Added May 12, 2011
Well I am a 30 female from Kansas. I have been overweight my whole life. So the bullying started at about age 8. As I grew up, my own family members would call me “Shamu The Whale” at the pool. That has caused me to really doubt who I was as a person. As all of this was going on I was a child going through a hard time.
When I was 4 years old, my mom died of a rare form of cancer. I would always look for pictures and things to know something about her. My so-called dad got remarried. The lady he married didn’t want any reminders of my mom around. She said it was fine that I talked about her, later I would come to find out that was not the case. When we became a blended family, there was a lot of hurt and anger. My so-called parents would fight like cats and dogs. They would use us kids as pawns. Then my so-called dad cheated on my adoptive mom. They filed for divorce 4 times and had it legally stopped 3 times. When you’re a child of divorce, it’s hard to deal with all of the crap parents can do and say to get you to see things their way. After the divorce you would think that parents would get along better, they didn’t. My so-called mom started seeing different guys. Then she came across the biggest jerk on the planet that would be later known as my step-dad. Well he doesn’t like me at all.
Sometime after they got together, I was a teenager with a silent rebelling streak, they had no idea what was going on at all. I would be one way when they were not around. And the good girl when i was around them. I had an idea that I was pregnant; I was stupid and denied the fact that I was pregnant for 7 and half months. I found out for sure on New Years Day. Later that day I would find out I was carrying two babies not one. Two weeks later I gave birth to twin girls. I tried to be mom for 6mths, I couldn’t do it. Mainly because I was told I wasn’t a good parent, and that I was doing things wrong all the time. So I gave them up for adoption to my mom and stepdad.
In the two years that the adoption took place I wasn’t really allowed to see them because my stepdad thought that I would take the twins from him, and he just never liked me. So from the time the twins were born I wanted my tubes tied. More so after the twins were born, as the adoption was going on, I felt like I couldn’t [bring] another child into this world and have the twins hate me for not keeping them and me keeping the newest child. So I got my tubes tied. It’s a hard thing to do. When your told you’re not a good parent or your doing things wrong. Would you want to have any more children? So do I regret what I have done? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. So there is a little piece of me.