I am suffering a crushing depression not being myself

Added May 12, 2011

I am a 33 yr old woman, who thought something was wrong with her. I have never been a person who dated I have only ever been with 3 men, but I didn’t enjoy the experiences, so I made the decision either consciously or unconsciously to focus on my career. But throughout my life I have been attracted to women. My family is very traditional in the fact that there has never been anyone openly gay or even quietly gay in it. My mum and her husband at times will make anti-gay comments about people on the TV and I have never been emotionally close with my mum. When I tried she turned it into a joke and openly laughed at me. My dad who I would have shared this with committed suicide a few years ago.

I have come to the realization that my feelings towards women are growing, and that I am suffering a crushing depression not being myself, but I am terrified that if I tell my mum any of this I will lose the little family I have. I am starting to investigate local LGBT activities in my area, but am very nervous especially as my friends are straight and so not involved on the lesbian scene.