I feel a little lost, I am unsure of where my life will go

Added May 12, 2011

I am a 43 year old lesbian from Canada. I am single, still …lol….which at times is ok, but sometimes it’s lonely.
Gosh, this is a little hard for me, not sure where to start. (I hope I don’t make mistakes in my English writing, for I am bilingual, French and English, but French being my ”mother tongue.”)

I am currently on sick leave from work because of an accident that I had 3 years ago (I fell at a chip stand, and dislocated and fractured my left shoulder). My condition became worse, where my arm/shoulder was considered ”frozen”. I have had 2 surgeries and still remain, today, with a disability and the worse, is ongoing chronic pain. Needless to say, it has been a very big adjustment for me because I once was very active, working full-time, studying part-time and going to the gym on a regular basis. Today, I feel a little lost, I am unsure of where my life will go.

As far, as my being a lesbian, well, let me tell you, it is not easy, especially, where I live, it is not always easy to be open. Although we do have a gay club, I am no longer interested so much in the clubs at my age. I guess one could say, ”Been there, done that.” If I’m single today, it is probably of my own doing, for I kind of retreated to myself after the accident. I guess with all the uncertainty of where my life is going, at the present moment, I guess I feel I may not have much to offer. I do realize also, that that could possibly be only in my head..lol. Also, when you are a feminine looking lesbian, well…I don’t get noticed by women too much, at least not here. Men look at me more than women which is often frustrating.

My interest to this site is that I truly believe in helping the youth of today to be open with themselves and others and to help make it easier for them. Growing up, for me, when I came out as a lesbian, was very hard. Mom and Dad wanted their daughter to be married to a man and have kids. My father passed away in 2005, and my mother still lives today and I am lucky to say that she accepts me now, as far as my choices in a life mate, and I consider her to be my best friend and my only support through my hard time, at the moment.

You know, often I was told that life changes at 40, but I never dreamed that my changes would involve an accident, leading me to be on LTD. My hope now would be to someday soon, return to my studies, and maybe get more involved in working for and helping LGTB youth of today.

Anyways, I hope my short life story, happening now, as one would say, is not too boring. Maybe, I’ll get a chance to update at some later point.