I’m 22 years old and just came out…

I’m 22years old and just came out in June 2010 as I felt it was the right time for me! I lived in what I feel to be a safe place now and had a great support system of friends. The reason it took me so long to come out was that I lived in a very small country town in Northern CA!

In high school I knew of the gay people but there was no way I would tell people I was gay as I saw what they where going through. People can be so mean and hurtful that I just could not do it. I felt so alone as I didn’t feel safe even with in my own family as they would make mean joke’s about gay people, I even had a brother go to jail for being apart of a gay bashing. So there was just no way no how i was going to let those would come out of my mouth ( that I’m a lesbian) I would always dream about the day I would come out and be proud. I would say I’m going to do it this day no matter what but never would. I started to feel so alone in my own little world that I started to cut myself to deal with the pain I was in. Then I told my best friend he also was gay and both of us didn’t know that about one another so we came up with this great plan, we so called started to date so people would think we where straight and not have any one ask us questions.. We so called dated for a year then I just could not take the hiding and not being true to myself any more So I ran from the problem. I saved all my money and moved cross country by myself so I could start my life over and live my life the way I wanted to.

I came out to my family, maybe not in the best of ways but it felt right to me. I wrote letters to everyone, told them who I really was and always have been I said they can now chose to be in my life or not! Most of them are still in my life and love me for who I always have been but the one person I wish would be in my life is not and that is my mother she didn’t talk to me for three months after getting her letter and then she called me out of the blue one day and said I should get a new job (I’m a nanny) as I’m now a pervert and will do something to the kids. I’m like “really me, I love kids” and always have! I told her I hope she has a nice life and that one day I hope she opens her heart as I’m still the same person she has always known but until then I can’t talk to you but just know I will always love you!

My story is like so many others. We have some amazing people in our lives who love us for who we are and always have been but then we have the one’s who shock us with the hurtful things they say but no matter what don’t ever let that stop you from being you the REAL YOU!! Find people who will always love you for who you are no matter what! Find a support system of some kind. I know if I didn’t have mine I don’t think I would of came out yet, I would still be hiding and worried someone might find out. So search high and low for that support system you would be amazed by some people! Just know things will always get better just keep the faith and be true to yourself!