My story may be a little different than those who post. I am 38 years old and I came out when I was 33. I don’t know if you can really call it coming out, but at 33 I decided to live the life I was supposed to.
I was married. Greg and I were together for 7 years prior to getting married. We were married for 3 1/2 years before I moved out, and according to the court, were legally married for 4 ½.
I always knew I was different but chose the safe route. I fell in love, the best way I knew how, with an incredible man. I was not completely comfortable with the idea of marriage. Yet when he proposed in San Marco Square in Venice, Italy, I was swept away.
I knew something wasn’t right. But I couldn’t deal with it. The hard part was when I knew I had to deal with it. That is when the guilt and the fear consumed me. I knew I wasted 10 years of a great man’s life because of my fear to be who I was. I was scared because I knew of the struggle of acceptance I would face. The guilt consumed me. To the point that I had pills lined up.
I did not know how to deal with wasting years of someone else’s life due to my own fears. I struggled. But something inside me knew I had to continue with my life. I went to therapy. I learned and I grew. I found my inner strength. I found my inner confidence. In my process I found the dormant person I was born to be.
Yet I still struggled. I moved out, I was going through a divorce. I felt as though I was losing two families. His and mine. His I knew, would never forgive me. I knew my parent would be so very upset but I had faith they would come around because they did love me. So this decision to be who I was , was more of a risk because the loss of two families was so hard for me. But in my heart I knew I had to be me.
And yet I knew I was still an outcast in the gay/lesbian community. And sadly I was a little right. I didn’t feel included because I had been married. I felt as though I was wearing a big “D” on my chest. I struggled giving up my security of acceptance and of a dual income, of a big house, of the “American dream”…but I knew that wasn’t my dream. And now I struggled with being an outcast of a group that struggled to be accepted. It was a strange time.
But I put myself out there. I grabbed onto the confidence that was building inside and put myself out in a new world. I had fun, I had too much fun. But I found myself. I found my place. I found my peace. After my fair share of dating I met the woman who I am supposed to be with, at a flag football game. I was settled in my life. I knew who I was and was confident in that. She is truly the love of my life. We recently bought a house and are planning a family.
My ex-husband and I are still best friends and share custody of our dogs. He, my girlfriend and I go out to dinner frequently. He used to get our opinion on the new women he was dating, but now is dating a great woman who, my girlfriend and I love. And she is accepting of us and our kind of dysfunctional ‘family” unit.
I struggled. I was fearful I was scared. But this was my process. Everyone’s process is different. But I wouldn’t give up my struggle because I feel like the person I was meant to be because of it.