June 15, 2011
Question: I learned 7 months ago my partner has been seeing, calling and texting – what she calls an old friend from 20 years ago. They reconnected on FB, however they were never friends on FB. She lied and lied about knowing this person, then finally admitted they were only “friends” This “affair” had been going on for 9 months and it was such a shock to me since it was right under my nose.
If it was all innocent as she claims – why lie? If they were “just friends” wouldn’t you consider this an emotional affair? The calls and text escalated and were always initiated by my partner and some texting lasted 5-6 hours! I feel so betrayed, because I desperately wanted friends too. Why didn’t she include me, and why lie about everything??? I cannot trust anything she says now.
Answer: Dear Can’t Trust,
If your question is, why is your girlfriend lying, there could be a number of answers. She didn’t want to deal with the consequences of the truth; she didn’t want you to know; she liked things the way they were; she had something to hide. Really we could spend the rest of our lives trying to answer that question.
People lie because they don’t want to deal with the truth. And once someone lies, it is very difficult to trust them again. Not impossible, because most of us want to believe what people tell us. We often believe lies even when we know they are lies. Sometimes we so desperately want to believe things, we accept the obvious lie as the truth and then act shocked. Just remember, a leopard doesn’t change its spots. If you want friends, go make friends. But if it’s a friend, you don’t hide that from your partner. Be safe my friend.