Shy and Scared To Ask Girls Out On A Date

June 15, 2011
Female (Age 14)


Q: Hello.

First of all, sorry for my english, is not my first language.

I would like to know how to be stronger when I want to talk with girls to invite them to take some coffee, just to know them better, and most of all, to know if they are gay or not, because it’s not easy at all to know it, if you don’t know them better.

The thing is that I’m very shy, and with woman is worst, I get so so nervous that I can’t say what I want to say, or maybe I’m able to say it but with a scared face that can make others asking what is happening to me…I think I get so nervous because I’m so so shy and insecure, moreover I’m not ok with being gay, I’m scared about what the girl might think about me, maybe they get scared and I don’t want to be rejected for being gay, and….I have to face the fact that there are more straight than gay women…I’m used to be atracted to straight woman, it’s paintful. I would like to be able to talk in a calmy way with woman, not being so anxious.

Thanks a lot.

A: Dear Shy,

Overcoming shyness takes practice. The more you do it, the easier it gets.  If you are worried that the girl is straight, try going to places where you know the women you meet are most likely gay. Be prepared.  Make a list of questions and suggestions that you can use when you first meet someone new.  Make it before you do something social.  If you are talking about events and the other person’s life and interest, people are more willing to open up and share.  You might also want to make of list of all the wonderful, desirable traits you bring to a relationship.  Keep that in mind because you are offering yourself and that is the most valuable thing.  Try not to make it so heavy, make a game out of it. Like tonight I will approach five women that wear glasses.  Set small goals for yourself.  And know that you are the prize, not them.  Have fun!  Meeting new people is interesting and exciting.  Go for it!