Terrified Telling My Family Will Hurt Them

June 15, 2011
Female

Q: I have been married for over 20 years to a man I met when I was 16 years old (we have been together for 26 years). I am overwhelmed. I have realized that I am and have been unhappy all along but could not put my finger on why. I know that I am bisexual. I am in the closet and do not know what to do about this realization. I am petrified, literally. I want so badly to feel “whole” for the very first time in my life. But I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know where to start. I am afraid I will hurt my family, my spouse, and my children. I don’t know where to turn. Can someone please help me? I’m so confused.

A: Dear Where to Start,

This is a good first step, reaching out.  I would strongly suggest that you make an appointment with a therapist as soon as possible. Since you have been with your husband since you were 16, you have never had a chance at being independent so this must be terrifying for you.  Take your time, go talk to someone and figure out what you want to do and what you want the rest of your life to look like.  This is a grand adventure.  Planning is always important. Because you can never get to your destination unless you know where you are!