1 Topic by sabina hawk

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Topic: Catholic and Lesbian

Hello to all. God Bless!!
I'm trying very hard to maintain my faith and living my truth. It is extremely difficult at times. My family is very split over this (i am middle of 7). We were brought up stanch Catholic. My dad is a Eucharistic minister, so is my mom. My brothers were servers, my sisters were lecturers--i got out of it because I was painfully shy and would die (i thought) if I had to read in front of the congregation. --I'm a little more vocal now ;P

I have been in a solid relationship for almost 9 yrs now. I've had a few other relationships, only one other that I've lived with someone, and I have been out to my family for about 15 years. For the most part my siblings were supportive, however the last 4 years or so, it seems that 2 of them have more issues about my lifestyle than they did before. This is very confusing to me as I would think they'd be more understanding due to my long term committment.

My parents are starting to come around more, but then I hear from my sister that they still think i'm going to Hell, they just are trying to lover the sinner hate the sin. I'm so tired of this fight, that i don't know what to do about it. I keep hearing its against God's plan and against Catholism, however in the same breath they expect me to regularly attend mass and take my kids. If I leave the church, it is their belief that I will go to hell too. "There's nothing worse than a fallen away Catholic." Being Christian in my family isn't good enough.....Catholicism is the "chosen" religion.

I loved being Catholic--I love the music, the tradition, the prayers, the discipline, but I hate the judgemental tendancies of the religion. Whatever happened to being Christian, loving thy neighbor, obeying the 10 commandments and letting God be the only judge of people??  I truly believe they need to clean up their own inner house before the Pope/bishops/priests/congregation should even attempt to worry about others.

I'm trying to hang on by joining Catholics for Equality, I'm just struggling with reconciling my truth with my faith....I guess its comparable (sortof) to Chely reconciling Country music and her truth.

Its just taking a very sad and emotional toll on me and I don't know how to resolve. Would welcome commentary. --thanks.

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2 Reply by Dana B

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

I also grew up Catholic.  It is difficult to move away from a church that is such a big part of your life, regardless of how unaccepting it is.

If you haven't already done so, I strongly recommend reading the books by John J. McNeill.  Those books literally saved my life.  They helped me reconcile my faith with the reality of my life, and they helped me recognize that I could be both gay and Catholic.

You should also recognize that the body of the church, the people in the pews, are far more accepting of gays and lesbians than most conservative congregations.  I'm certain that groups like Catholics for Equality will help bring that to light, and will go a long way in chaning the Church.  But also recognize that change in the Catholic Church is never quick. 

I also understand about your family.  My parents are very traditional Catholics.  And while they like my wife, as my friend, they will never accept her as my wife.  They love me and I know that will never end,  but their beliefs simply will not allow them to accept the two of us as being married.  I've come to realize that I cannot change them anymore than they can change me.  So I just need to keep loving them, and living my life the way I know God intended.

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3 Reply by tom m

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

sometimes if you are one way or another it might be good to those women out there to find a good tracher,listner and go from there.

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4 Reply by tom m

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

ok lets put it this way,i know catholic faith and this may sound harsh but the 10 commandments are the law,if you miss mass on sun and if you die and are not in a state of grace its a mortal sin to miss mass, you end up in haytes,pergatory if we make it there were in! just alot of purification to get to see gods face,any quest e me.

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5 Reply by Daydreamer60

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

I believe that God knows our hearts and no matter we are the apples of God's eye.  I hope that at this time of year we can reflect on the reality of Jesus:

Micah 5:2 (NIV)

“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah,
   though you are small among the clans of Judah,
out of you will come for me
   one who will be ruler over Israel,
whose origins are from of old,
   from ancient times.”

Luke 2:11-12 (NKJV)

“For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”


WHEN GOD SENT HIS VERY BEST

From snow capped peaks
To island beaches
And destinations in-between
It is Christmas Day
It is Christmas Day
It is the season of joy for every girl and every boy
It is a time for holly and ivy and trimming the tree
It is that time to remember the old, old story
When God sent His very best
The angels proclaimed
In Bethlehem in the land of Judea
A Savior was born
The King of Glories lay safe and warm in a lowly stable
The angels told shepherds about the Christ’s holy birth
Wise men followed a glorious star to come worship God’s only begotten Son
They brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh
But the Christ Child was the greatest gift of all
He brought about a better way and through Him authored Eternal Life
From snow capped peaks
To island beaches
And destinations in-between
It is Christmas Day
It is Christmas Day
It is the season of joy for every girl and every boy
It is a time for holly and ivy and trimming the tree
It is that time to remember the old, old story
When God sent His very best


Blessings,

Scott aka Daydreamer60

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6 Reply by theatregypsy

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

What helps me is knowing that not all Catholics, just like not all Christians period, believe everything in the general Catholic doctrine. There's a parish near me that has extremely liberal priests and openly supports and welcomes gay people to their parish. I don't go there often, but when I do, I get nothing but support. All it takes is a little research and you can usually find a priest or a church near you. Go - enjoy your religion in an environment that wants you there as bad as you want to be there.

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7 Reply by Sasha

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

I am so glad to have this discussion about my faith.I am a practicing catholic and active in my church. I love Christ and all he has done for me. It does bother me that most religions feel that homosexuality is a ticket to hell. I have been with my partner for 27 years.We were married by a minister of another faith last year.We are not out except to a few people. I wish we could have been married in my church but I know that will not happen. I also find it troublesome that a lot of gay people reject christianity because of this. I don't like the anti christian insults that are thrown around in our community.I know there are a lot of christians that insult us also,but I cannot blame God for this.I NEED him in my life. I know God loves me and answers my prayers, but those little doubts about homosexuality being a sin thrown out by some churches makes me think.Does anyone else struggle with this.I just like to hear other gay christians opinions on this.So glad for this website!

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8 Reply by Dana B

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

Sasha, I am Catholic.  And when I finally acknowledged that I was gay, everything I knew came crashing down.  It was the best thing that ever happened to my spiritual life.   It forced me to make a choice --to believe in God, or believe in the Church.  I chose God.   Doing that opened up a whole new spiritual world for me. 

As a Catholic we are taught to follow our conscience, not necessarily the Bible.  That is a hard thing to do.  It forces us to shut down our minds and what we have always been taught, and open our hearts to the Holy Spirit.  Its the process of discernment.    If you can do that, you will hear God, and He is the one you need to listen to.  Not the Pope.  Not the Bishops.   Not your family.  Not your friends.   God will set you on the right path.

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9 Reply by sabina hawk

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

I want to thank everyone for posting on this topic. I find this to be a constant struggle...How does one find "liberal priests that openly supports and welcomes gay people to their parish" I don't see this as happening in my diocese. My family is NOT okay with the life and the family I have started with my partner. I am living my life in the open, but am obviously not "out" at church. My partner(a Christian) doesn't want anything to do with the Church and I can't blame her. Every time I get her to go to Chuch with us, the priest's sermon ends up further distancing her from the Church. How do I continue to reconcile this? Are my kids going to be punished like the child in Boulder? How are they going to continue their Catholic education, including Baptism, 1st Communion etc if I am "out" at Church?? I don't feel that I can have this conversation with the Church leaders without jepardizing my family's standing in the Church... Any thoughts???

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10 Reply by Dana B

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

Sabina, I'm not sure where you live, but here is a list of welcoming/affirming parishes:

http://www.newwaysministry.org/GFP.html

Unfortunately, with the leadership change in the the Conference of Bishops, I suspect such churches are going to be harder and harder to find.

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11 Reply by sabina hawk

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

Unfortunately I am well established in KANSAS. Living in the midwest is NOT easy. Being a Lesbian practising Catholic is even more difficult. I've had several people say why don't you just leave a church that doesn't support you---while i understand the thought, i really Love being Catholic. I enjoy the tradition, the songs, the prayers, the structure, just not the hypocritical stance and condemnation while sheltering pediphiles.....I have been left bewildered and stunned. My whole family on both sides are Catholic, I am one of 7 siblings and have 11 aunt/uncles on one side and 4 on the other. I have 14 nieces/nephews.  We are a BIG Catholic family. 125 1st and 2nd cousins within 60 miles of each other...

All they can see is the "sin" and not the person.....we are not a perfect family, just a normal American family. I do find it funny that we are okay, to get divorced, (annulments) etc and act like the 1st marriage didn't happen. Now we're working on the 2nd, but my partner and I have been together 9 years and that is a "phase" that I need to work thru.

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12 Reply by EmiliaJS

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

Dana B wrote:

Sabina, I'm not sure where you live, but here is a list of welcoming/affirming parishes:

http://www.newwaysministry.org/GFP.html

Unfortunately, with the leadership change in the the Conference of Bishops, I suspect such churches are going to be harder and harder to find.

Thank you so much for posting this!

I was born in Poland, and was brought up Roman Catholic. It is fantastic to know that there are churches in my area which support the GLBTQ community within the Catholic religion. 

Again, thank you.

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13 Reply by kylieluvsart

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Re: Catholic and Lesbian

i love this whole thread. i am a catholic too. i am bi . and everytime i find myself saying a hail mary or our father for my kids i have stopped. but you have all put me in touch with my prayers again and i want to thank you all.

when i first realised i was attracted to women. i prayed that if it was wrong for God to take this away from me and ya know what? it has gotten stronger.  at this point in time i don't practise my faith and it hasn't got anything to do with being Bi sexual my hubby lost his job for the third time in ten years and it was too much for me. i slow stopped going.  i also find me priest does excatly rock my boat. if ya know what i mean. i do hope to go again one day. but this past christmas was the first christmas we haven't been to church.
thank you all again.

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