When I was 11, growing up in a small western town, a bully picked on me, saying that I was gay.  There was no physical abuse, only verbal taunts, but they hurt.  It was a difficult time for me, since I was attending a new school and my best friend had just moved away.  I had not yet developed strong attraction to the opposite sex and was uncertain of who I was.

In a small town at that time there was almost nothing worse than being gay.  I began to say the exact same prayer Chely and probably some other people repeated: "God, please don't let me be gay."  I became suicidal, and remained that way from the sixth to the eighth grades.  When I saw the movie M*A*S*H on television, which involves bigotry, homophobia and suicide, I became even more convinced that I could not live with myself if I were gay.  There was no one I could talk to, especially not my family.  I never actually attempted suicide, but if someone on the school board had been ENCOURAGING gay kids to kill themselves I probably would not be alive today.

The problem resolved itself uneventfully when the bully moved away.  My remaining classmates and I reached an unspoken consensus that I had been misclassified as gay.  I was reclassified as a "nerd" and a "brain" which entitle you to a much lower level of bullying and even some degree of respect.

High school was not nearly as bad, with the typical problems of a teenager.  You might think that my previous experience would have made me opposed to homophobia, but unfortunately that was not the case.  When other students picked on someone who was gay, or was perceived to be gay, I joined in.  I was never then instigator, I just participated in a small way.  I had no actual malice toward the victims, but did it only to try to avoid having the bullying directed toward me.  Whatever the reason or the level of participation, I'm sure it must have hurt them when I chimed in rather than defend them or even just remain silent.  I can't say that I was just a kid and didn't know better.  I did know better; I didn't DO better.

One of my friends in high school had a younger sister who was a tomboy.  Her family tried to get her to act and dress girlier.   She complied reluctantly, although she seemed uncomfortable doing so.  Her family loved her, and they were doing what they thought was best for her.  I don't know how far they went trying to change her, or if she is a lesbian.  Whatever the case was, it must be hard when your family rejects who you are.

In my sophomore year of college, one of my classmates committed suicide over the Thanksgiving break.  She may have been a lesbian, but I don't know if that was the reason.  It could have been stress from school or some other problem.  She had spoken to me shortly before, about classwork, not suicide.  Since then, I have felt that maybe I could have seen something in her manner or heard something in her voice indicating something was wrong.  If I had known, I would have tried to help.

I'm joining LIKE ME even though I'm not gay because I want to help make life a little easier for kids -- straight or gay or perceived to be gay -- to deal with bullying and homophobia or better yet to prevent them.  No one should ever have to pray "God, please don't let me be gay."