June 15, 2011
Female (Age 18)

Q: I’m terrified. I guess in a way, I’ve probably known for years that I was attracted to woman, but I’m really confused. I thought for awhile that I was bisexual and still feel like it could be a possibility because there was a guy I “liked” or at least convinced myself that I liked. The thing is, everyone thinks he’s gay, so I don’t see how that would count in the same way. I only see myself wanting to be with a woman in the future; to marry another woman and to have children and build a life with her. My father and his wife are prejudice toward everyone, so I know they would not accept me. My mom is not prejudice but would still be completely uncomfortable with me being a lesbian. My “step-father-to-be” thinks it’s weird. I don’t know how to come out to anyone but I have not slept in nights now and it has been on my mind constantly for over a month now. I am terrified of what my friends, family, teachers etc will think and how they will react. I don’t know who to turn to and who to talk about it with first. There is a teacher in my school who is a lesbian…Should I talk to her or should I talk to my school’s social worker? How can I know for sure if I am lesbian or bisexual? I know I am definitely not straight…I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t focus at school because it is on my mind constantly and my grades are dropping. I start college in September and don’t want to begin in a new place and still be hiding who I really am. Chely Wright’s songs, videos, and tweets have helped me to be stronger about it and have made me finally want to talk to someone, but I still don’t know how to do so. Please help me in any way that you can. Thank you.

A: Dear Confused,

First I want you to know that you are very brave for writing. You should feel very proud of yourself for having the courage to ask yourself these hard questions. It’s great that you are looking around for people that you consider as a potential support system. Yes, use every possible resource available, teachers, guidance counsellors, nurses, and doctors, anyone you can think of to help. Call the LGBT center in NYC. Feelings change, so what you feel today may not be what you feel tomorrow. That’s why you need lots of people to talk to.

When you get to college, go to the counselling center and get a therapist right away. This is not the time to worry about telling your family anything. Take time to figure yourself out. Have some privacy with your thoughts and feelings before your start sharing them or having to defend them to people that might want to challenge you on them. Start talking to people that will support you. Find people you can trust and build your own personal network. Take baby steps. And have a great time in college, those will be some of the best years of your life.

June 15, 2011
Female (Age 24)

Q: Over the past few years I’ve been slowly accepting my truth and in turn found the courage to tell my immediate family and close friends that I’m a lesbian. My parents are both pastors and I’ve willingly made God a large part of my life. The more open I’ve been with my family the less barriers I’ve been able to claim in regards to being a part of the LGBT community, I think in this process I’ve become aware of some homophobia I may have. I’m afraid to be a part of the LGBT community because I’ve believed it to look a certain way and be a certain way my whole life. I guess I realize my judgements, my generalized judgements and I don’t want to start this way, with projected judgements towards other people, I’m just wondering if you have any suggestions on how I could get over my preconceived ideas?

A:Dear Getting Over Ideas,

You are a very insightful individual. It is very honest of you to admit that you have preconceived ideas about things and people before you even enter the game, so I think you have already mastered the task. Knowing that you have these ideas puts you in the position of realizing that they are just ideas and not truths. Getting to know people, individual people, is where truth lies. And it will be different for each person. Like snowflakes. Make that your task to find something unique about each person you meet. If you are focusing on finding something unique and special about each person you meet, that will steer you away from labelling and stereotyping. This is a fun and exciting way to make new friends. Go enjoy this new freedom to find glory in each unique and special person. Create a journal and try to never duplicate a trait. Sometimes life and the people we meet are just fun and fascinating beings. Enjoy this journey.

June 15, 2011
Female

Q: I have been a Chely Wright fan for years and I have actually met her here in the Netherlands when she came to perform for the troops. I was not surprised when she came out I support her 100% and bought her book Like Me my daughter who is 18 asked if she could read it and of course I let her I had seen some changes with her after she read it. She came out to me, which she knew I have always told her I would support her gay or straight it is not her that has an issue with who she is. Her girlfriend tried to come out to her parents and they basically told her she would rot in hell. I have been very supportive of their relationship. We live 3 hours away from her and I have taken my daughter to see her girlfriend about every 3 weeks. The girlfriend is having a very hard time of it she is afraid of losing my daughter because of her parents and I feel so helpless is there anything I can do? Again Thank You Chely for writing a very personal story.

A: Dear Great Mom,

The first thing you can do is give yourself a nice pat on the back for being a great parent. How wonderful you are to support your daughter in both her life style and her relationship. She is a very lucky young girl. As for her girlfriend, that is a very challenging situation. Since I don’t know the ages of these girls, it is difficult to say what they are legally allowed to do on their own. Depending on that, she may or may not be able to make some choices for herself. If not, she may be forced to live by her parents rules. You can continue to be loving and supportive of their relationship which is a wonderful thing. You could also try and help educate her parents about LGBT issues and sexual orientation. It’s a very difficult and personal situation and many families feel that it is a private matter. Ask your daughter’s girlfriend what she thinks would be helpful. She might have the best ideas. You are a very kind and loving woman. The world needs more mothers like you. Thank you.

June 15, 2011
Female (Age 18)

Q: I’m a lesbian, and I’m Christian. Though I’ve always supported gay rights, I recently came out and have been struggling a lot in making these 2 huge aspects of my life work together. I got to a very dark place and started engaging in self-injury; I was cutting myself to try to deal with the pain. It helped (a lot), but when one of my teachers found out she spoke to me about it at length and got me help and I stopped doing about 4 months ago and haven’t done it since. Lately, I’ve been having thoughts about it again. It takes effort for me to put a knife or scissors or a paper clip back down after holding it in my hand, even if I was using it for its intended use and not for hurting myself. I haven’t acted on these feelings, but I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to hold on without falling back into this trap. What do I do?

A: Dear Don’t Fall Into the Trap,

Good for you for Writing,

Maybe you should go back to where you got help the last time as soon as possible. Or talk to the teacher that helped you. It’s a good starting place. But you need to stick with it. The pain you are feeling on the inside doesn’t really go away when you cut, that’s your brain playing a trick on you. But you are a smart, smart girl and you won’t be tricked any more. So, let’s get real. When you hurt, you need to heal. Healing is a gentle, loving thing. And as a Christian, I am sure you know that G-d’s loving arms do not cut or scrap causing you to bleed. G-d is holding you in a warm embrace waiting for you to love and accept yourself. Go talk with someone as soon as you can. And don’t hurt yourself anymore. Love yourself.

June 15, 2011
Female (Age 18)

Q: I have come out in less than a year since I met Chely. But last night I told a friend how I felt before I met Chely. I told her that I wanted to kill myself. & now she’s acting very distant. Should I have not told her? What should I do now?

A: Dear Telling a Friend,

First I hope the feeling of wanting to kill yourself is gone. Nothing is worth ending your life over. If you still have those feelings, please go to a hospital and get help right away. Now as for your friend, that might need to end. What kind of friend gets distant when you share something that personal and scary? I would say, find some new friends — people that will grow to love and support you through all the good and bad times in life. End the friendship. Find some friends that you can talk to and that you have common interests with. Go enjoy this crazy world. Save yourself. Be happy. Have Fun.