The LIKEME® Organization

Added May 12, 2011

Added May 12, 2011

Added May 12, 2011

When I was nine, my mom asked me if I knew what gay meant. I said no because I had never heard of it. She said "It's when two boys or two girls love each other. Your brother is gay." I didn't understand at first because I didn't know that was possible. When I thought of it I realized I might be gay.

About a month after my brother came out, my grandfather came to my dad and said "The family doesn't want the gays around them so I'm sorry, he isn't allowed around anymore." My mom was heartbroken. I remember sitting in the car when she told him what my grandpa said and they both started crying. I was shocked, one, because I had never seen a guy cry and two, because I didn’t understand how anyone could hate my brother. He was the sweetest guy ever! He could make anyone smile. He was my hero.

After that, my brother wasn't the same. He was so depressed and he wasn't his happy self. My mom was crying all the time and taking anti-depressants. I was so young and I just wanted my family back together. I started fighting as much as I could for gay rights. I was hiding and forcing myself to be straight so my mom wouldn't feel all that pain again from the family disowning us.

When I was eleven, I started dating girls and figured out I really was gay. I still had to hide; my mom and bother were just getting over the last problem. I couldn't start it all again. My brother met a guy who had recently gone through the same thing with his family. He became my best friend. They got "married" a year later.

I am now fourteen and have found my girl. She is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I plan to be with her forever. I have come out to my brother and his husband, my niece, best friends, and hopefully I can tell my mother soon. It takes a lot to be yourself; you just have to surround yourself with the good people to get through it all.

Added May 12, 2011

Added March 26, 2011

I have know that I was lesbian since I was 4 years old but because I was raised in a Southern Baptist family, I knew early in my life that I would not be accepted comfortably, I remember being caught by my mother with a picture of my 2nd grade crush in my pocket. I remember her asking me why I had it and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest. I knew I had to lie and say that she was my best friend when in reality this girl barely knew I existed.

I had many crushes on girls, then women growing up and had to force myself to like guys. I vowed to never act on my feelings for women but hoped to settle down with a man that I could grow to like enough to have a family. Meanwhile, I studied hard and got great grades in school and a successful career and I was the pride and joy in my mother's life.

One day, at age 31, against all of my efforts, I fell deeply in love with a woman and slowly came out. I didn’t tell my mother but she figured it out after I lived with my partner for a year. My mother told me that God did not approve and that I was going to hell. She also said that "she wished I was never born". I was devastated because I had gone from her pride and joy to someone that she wished was never born all because of who I loved. We rarely spoke after that.

My partner and I were together 8 years and her family became my family. When we broke up, I was devastated because part of the cause of the breakup was the fear and insecurities that my family placed on me about being gay.

Now, after therapy and finding a church that is supportive of LGBT people, I realize that being gay is as natural to me as my brown eyes. God made me and he didn’t make a mistake. It would be against my nature to try and be with a man. I have learned to not let my mother's feelings dictate my happiness. We have a relationship where she knows that she can’t change me and we try to agree to disagree.

It does get better. You just have to be willing to live to make yourself happy and not try to live your life for other people.

Added March 26, 2011

At the age of almost 54 I am ready to be a gay woman. Years of hiding or even acknowledging who I was. Tried coming out 13 yrs ago but went right back in. I got hurt and figured it was easier to disappear. No relationships just hiding.

I read Chely's book and for the first time and I felt that this IS who I am. So I told someone. I tried reconnecting with a past partner. It was nice but has since ended. So, along with coming out, I am grieving the loss of someone I cared deeply about.

I’ve come out at work, to friends and even some family. And what do I hear? They knew? They always knew! So why does that bother me so? For my whole life I have been hiding and did not have to. And here is honesty for you. I am scared! Not so much about people knowing anymore. I am just scared I have to step out and live. I’m going back to therapy and doing the best I can. I'm not giving up. I think Chely's book helped me, but I am still scared.

I am so glad young people to have the support that is so essential. I wish I did back when I was a kid. Past is past. I know that. Fear stopped me once and I won't let it stop me now. I want someone “Like Me” to love me.

Added March 26, 2011

My journey of coming out did not happen till I was 40 years old. When my daughter went to college it happened with who it was suppose to happen and how it was suppose to happen. I was told from the age of 23 that people thought I was GAY. I was in Therapy and a counselor told me that I cared too much about what others thought of me and even if I was gay that I would not allow myself to be happy. She was right. It was not till I was at the point in my life where I was somewhat comfortable in my own skin, and did not care about what people thought of me, that it happened. It has been so freeing to know who I am and that there are people "LIKE ME"

In my first relationship the intimacy with another female was there before anything else. I knew she was gay and I guess she knew I was but I did not think I was at the time. I started developing feelings for this woman and thought there was something wrong with me. I searched out that Therapist I had when I was younger who me that I would not allow myself to be happy. I told her of these feelings inside me and I really thought there was something wrong with me for feeling this way about a friend. I was in love with her before anything ever happened. Others close to me knew it but I could not tell anyone. It was only a short affair but I had never felt so high, so low, so happy, so sad, in such a short period of time.

I later spent some time in a mental hospital swearing I would not tell anyone of the patients in there why I was there. I finally had to get honest per my counselor and she told me I had to tell someone to get through the process. I told my roommate. She already knew due to the way I skated around the relationship issue using those wonderful pronouns like “they” and “them” instead of “he” or “she”.

I was not fooling anyone but myself. I had gay friends most of my life but I kept them at a distance. I didn't want to “catch” anything. One of my friends told me “We knew you were when you were 23”. I told my partner this kid is gay and she doesn't know. I was like “Thanks a lot. You could have saved me 16 years of my life”. She told me it was not her job to figure out, it was mine.

Most of the people throughout my life that I have told have all accepted me and embraced me for the person that I am. Only one older gentleman friend said “Have a nice life kid”. I had to consider the source. He was an angry old man that did not like a lot of things in life. So if one person in my last 7 years has not embraced the true me, well than he is not like me and he is allowed to be whoever he wants to be, as am I.

Added March 26, 2011

I always knew I didn't fit in with the rest of my friends growing up though I did everything to fit in. That includes being boy crazy, dating lots of popular boys, etc. It is hard to explain, but I truly did not know other gay people existed until in college. There was the stereotypical gay boy that attended my high school and the lesbian volleyball coach, but I didn't really look at them in a different light. They weren't "like me". In my mind they were gay but it wasn't something that was a possibility for me. Gay people only existed on TV or in a very far distance but not in my world.

My first day at college I was invited to a party with some friends on the woman's basketball team. My total oblivious 18 year old self was blown away when they informed me all these girls, who were exactly like me in almost every way, were all lesbians. I instantly realized that all those weird friendships that oddly gave me butterflies weren't normal, at least not for a straight girl. I was gay.

Obviously I struggled. I came from an incredibly conservative family. I dated girls, but always dated guys on the side because I knew that was my only option to remain a member of my family. Being gay wasn't an option. I tried to "straight live" my gayness away. I fell in love with a girl at age 19. A year later I broke her heart, and mine, when I said I thought I was straight. I was getting a lot of pressure from my parents to date guys. I had a boyfriend that was in the Marines, and was stationed in Afghanistan for 6 months and lived on base. It was real easy to have a relationship and convince myself I was in love when the only communication we had was letters and the occasional phone call. I tried so hard to make it work, but I found myself crying myself to sleep after the few dates I did get with him because the feelings I had for him felt so superficial. I knew I was denying myself true love, but I was willing to sacrifice everything for him because I did care for him and my parents loved him and we would've made the perfect Midwest couple. Luckily after a while I realized I could no longer lead him, myself, or my family on. I ended it and instantly my parents questioned my motives for being single.

I begged and pleaded my way back into my ex's arms because the whole time I was with trying to live straight, no feelings I ever felt with anyone were as nearly as strong as the feelings I had for her. Aside from a few rough patches we have been together ever since. One of those rough patches included my parents finally confronting me about my sexuality. After almost 4 years of lying to them, I couldn't do it anymore. I told them the truth, I told them I was in love, and I wasn't changing. My father disowned me that very day. I've tried several times to make amends but my parents want nothing to do with me as long as I'm still gay. I have 6 siblings who are no longer allowed to communicate with me and have to sneak to see/talk to me. Unfortunately two of them are 8 and 9 and I haven't seen them since they were 4 and 5. I miss them so much and it pains me to know they are told I ran away and want nothing to do with them (in my parent's eyes that what I did - I chose to be gay, therefore I chose to leave my family).

I am currently living with my girlfriend (now fiancé, we are getting married this summer!!!!!!). I am a high school teacher and coach in an inner city school. Every year I have 5 to 10 kids confide in me that they are gay/lesbian. Many of them have no parental role models at home they can talk to. I am the only adult they have to talk to and I don't want them to feel like they are ever alone. Unfortunately I'm still afraid to say those words to them, "I'm gay" even though they all know it. Despite that, I hope that I can still be a role model from them. I don't ever want them to think that being gay is going to hold them back from their dreams. I am gay, and am I'm doing more than I ever thought I would have when I first realized I was gay. I love my life, my "family", my career, and I love that I'm a lesbian.

Added March 26, 2011

Well, here we go. At a young age I knew I was gay and just like everyone else, I had to hide it; either due to embarrassing my folks or shaming them or just a fear? It wasn’t so much about my mom because she treated me like crap my whole childhood. So yeah, it was my dad I didn’t want to hurt. I was his little girl..ya know? Even though I didn’t see myself in that way, I wanted to grow up and be just like my dad. I learned at very young age that my parents didn’t know what to do with me in any way, shape, or form. In their mind as long as there was a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and clothes on my back I didn’t "need" anything else. Truth of the matter is, I did! But this was the way my parents were; never a conversation of “how was your day?” , no kisses, no hugs, no “good job”, nothing! Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot from them, everything from how to manage money to how to change my oil, but never love, it just wasn’t there. So i did the only thing I knew that I had complete control over; I sunk my soul in to country music, and poetry. It was the only place or thing they couldn’t affect. I was right, they didn’t. It was almost like they didn’t care. So this was how I handled my time for the longest time.

Then when I was 10 we joined a campground. At the time I didn’t know how much being in that environment would open me up. When I was younger I didn’t have any friends. I wasn’t allowed to play with other kids. I eventually met new kids whose parents treated them totally different. So what was I doing wrong? The kids I was hanging out with acted worse than I ever did or even thought of being. Yet there was love there. I just didn’t understand.

The years went by and I began to come into my own with help of friends. I fell in love with a girl, at the campground, when I was 15, as she did with me. We were inseparable. You didn’t find one of us without the other. We were able to hide from everybody for a while; until one day my mom was looking all over for me, which was out of the ordinary. Normally they’d leave me note back at the camper, but not this time. You see, with this girl I didn’t have to hide. I could be myself, and I guess I got wrapped up in the moment. Basically, my mom caught a glimpse of us thru a mini blind kissing. BUSTED!!!! My mom yelled at me until I came outside. Then calmingly she said " you (me), at the camper....now" and you (my friend)...."I don’t care where you go". I followed my mom and the whole time she’s mumbling "wait till your dad hears about this" and the whole time I’m thinking "she going to freaking kill me, and throw me in the woods....oh god, nobody will ever find me". But then out of the blue it hit me like a brick wall; why is she caring now? Why is she caring what I’m doing? The past 15 yrs I’ve been ignored. Why now? We had a good half mile walk, so the more I thought about it the madder I got. Then the closer I got to the camper, the more I kept hearing (in my head) “I’m going to kill you”. I wanted to run because I knew if my mom got her hands on me that she’d hurt me a lot more than what she had in the past. But I didn’t. We walked up to the camper and I sat down outside. I was a little bit safer out there. My mom grabbed my dad and went inside. I could hear mom say "Guess what I just caught our daughter doing?". I wish my dad hadn’t been blindsided like that. This wasn’t the way for him, or them, to find out. But it was out of my hands by this point so I sat there as the world around me just kind of stopped.

I remember thinking, and worrying about the girl? What’s going to happen? Can they stop me from seeing her? But on the other hand, what can they do? This wasn’t going to be the first or last girl in my life. I was gay. I knew it. I’ve known it. It was time for me. It was time that my parents realized that I, there one and only daughter, was gay. It was now or never. I was tired of being hurt by them. With every ounce of my being I took a deep breath, came back to reality, and waited for the worst. Then the camper door swung open. There I was face-to-face with my parents. Dad was yelling "What were you thinking? She’s a girl!!!" and all i could say was "I know dad. I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry." I wasn’t sorry for being who I am. I was sorry for the way they found out. Dad said “I don’t want this to ever, ever happen again!" Now not only did my parents know I was gay, but so did everyone else around us in the campsite. I remember dad’s eyes. They sunk down in disappointment. I had hurt him. But I knew it had to be done and I had rather they find out from me and not someone else.

The deed was done. The silence was broke. My dad decided that he was going to go fishing, which was his way of dealing with things. He started to pull off while moms asking him “What do I do with her now?” Dad replied, as calm as he could “I don’t care.” Dad drove off and my mother went back in to the camper. She then comes right back out and yelled “You’re grounded to the camper!” I’d never been "grounded" before in my life! What where that talking about? Moments later my friend (the one I was kissing) pulled up in her car and asked if everything was ok? “No!” I said, “I am grounded to the camper!” Before we could breathe my mom came out the camper and said "I think you need to leave. You’re a good girl and you need to go before I get your parents involved." My mother knew what she was doing because she knew that my friend would leave. She knew just how to get to me and it worked. My friend drove off and it didn’t me much because I knew I’d be able to see her the next weekend.

The next day we (my family and I) packed up and headed home. A few weeks of silence went by and we fell back into our old ways. I’d still get to see my friend on the weekends but only at my camper and not anywhere else. At the time I took what I could get. Sometime during all of this, my friend had told her parents that I was gay; not that we were together, just that I was gay and that my parents were treating me horribly. They agreed to "save" me for as long as they could. They’d come pick me up take me to their house for weeks at a time. They treated me like I was their own and it worked out for everybody. I got to spend time with my friend and they’d get extra help on the farm, and well, my folks.....they didn’t have to put up with me.

A few months of this went by and I could tell my friend was growing tired of the whole situation of only being able to see each other on weekends and so forth. During the week she would date a guy and on the weekends she’d date me. This didn’t last long because we both couldn’t take being weekend lovers. Even though we knew it would hurt, we decided to just be friends. We haven’t talked since then. I’m ok with that because I was able to learn how to love. Love was something I knew NOTHING about until then.

I started getting picked on more at school and at home. Anytime my mom could she’d take a "gay" shot at me with jokes and jesters right to my face. I wished for the silent treatment back. I begged for it. We got in more fights, but the more we fought, the meaner she was. It had gotten to the point where I was on house arrest. I wasn’t able to go out with friends and if there was an extra female in the group I couldn’t go. I was only allowed to leave the house with family. This went on for about a year. It was everywhere. I couldn’t run from it. I thought coming out was hard but that was easy compared to what I was going thru now. I was lying in bed one night, feeling mad and hurt because of something mom said and I couldn’t take it any more so i got up, in the middle of the night, and went to the bathroom. There in the mirror was a person who was proud of who she was, but at the same time was dying because who she was. I grabbed a razor blade out of the cabinet and ran it hard across my wrist. I started bleeding instantly. For the first time in my life I felt relieved that I had no worries, that I wouldn’t be a burden to my parents anymore. Honestly, it felt great, but then I felt pain and light-headedness. I grabbed a rag and pressed it to my wrist as hard as I could while cleaning up the mess.

I knew my mom would be mad if she saw the mess...not me, the mess. After it was cleaned I stepped out of the bathroom and sat down in chair in the living room not knowing that my mom was sitting on the couch. She asked "What are you doing?" and I just turned to her and she saw my rag. She jumped up and went and got my dad. It was about 3 in the morning, so dad wasn’t happy to be woken up. They kept asking me over and over "What are you doing?" I couldn’t say a word. Mom grabbed me by the wrist. By this time it (my wrist) had stopped bleeding and she threw my arm at me. It hit my chest and fell to my lap. I remember not shedding a tear. I was completely calm, other than the screams inside my head and my heart, screaming for attention, love, help, something! But yet again I received nothing.

When we got back home my parents went back to bed and so did I. We got up the next morning and mom threw me a watch at me and said "Here, wear this today!" So I did. I wore a watch to cover up my pain. We went to breakfast like nothing ever happened. Luckily my aunt and uncle came over later and dad told them what had happened the night before. I remember my uncle coming up to me, put his arms around me, and said "Let’s go". So I did. We went to a drive-in movie and I didn’t have to say a word. One thing about my uncle is that he had stood up for me A LOT when I couldn’t and I love him for that.

Some time went by. By this time I was 17, and mom and I were still going at it. But one good thing was it was only at home now; school was ok. My peers were starting to accept me. One day, out of nowhere, I met the love of my life. She was my safe place from the beginning. It took us a little while to get things going but once they did my life got better. I invited her to supper one night and I introduced her to my parents and said she was my girlfriend and she wasn’t going anywhere. Again there was no response from them, just the look of contempt. I was fine with that.

It wasn’t long after that I moved out of parent’s house. I just couldn’t deal with it any more. A situation came up and I had to move back in for a while and of course, I had rules. My girlfriend I continued to date for awhile and my parents started treating me a little better. Things were finally starting to feel good. I had a little more freedom and my parents actually liked my girlfriend. But I got jealous of the way others were talking and looking at her. I just couldn’t handle it, even though she loved me like nobody else could. I trusted her with my life. I did the one thing in my life that I regret and walked away from her.

11 or 12 years went by. My parents finally admitted they could "handle" me being gay but they couldn’t handle me being with some of the girls I was with. I guess that was their way of saying they accept me, so I took it for what it was worth. I’m now back with my old girlfriend (my high school sweetheart) but through the years, and the tears, I forgave my mom and have grown closer with my father. As for my girlfriend and I, well....were still going strong!

Added March 26, 2011

I am still a work in progress, but aren't we all to an extent. Small steps to reach the bigger picture.

I am 33 years old and hid my sexuality to everyone including myself for many years. I had always shied away from any type of relationships, girls and boys. Through high school I tried dating girls, as that was what we were supposed to do. I never found myself attracted to them, but was always a great friend to them. As for boys, well I dare not try and look at them, as I did not want to admit to myself that I was gay.

Up into my mid 20's I still denied to myself that I was a gay man. I had feelings for men, but always thought that they would pass. But alas, they never did.

So finally I accepted to myself that yes indeed I was a gay man, but still had a hard time dating. After all, how could I, no one knew. Nor did I want anyone to know. All my life I wanted the fairy tale life, someone to come home to, someone to care for me and me to care for them. How could I do this without anyone finding out? I was not strong enough to tell. Until I fully accepted for myself how could I truly love? So at 32 I finally decided to start telling people. People who I chose to, people who I thought would still care for me and appreciate me for who I am not who I choose to love.

It began with my best friend, who was about to get married. I wanted her to know, after being friends for 20 years at the time i sent her a text message that said "I have something important to tell you". She responded with "Ohhh are you bringing a date to the wedding". I told her I wasn’t sure yet, but just in case I did, i didn't want her to be surprised, and I ended with "I'm gay"

As I am attempting to write another message my phone immediately begins to ring and in my haste I hit ignore. Great, now she'll think that I am avoiding her. So I called her back right away and she scolds me for ignoring her call. But that is what she's like. Then she says “you know I love you right, now why the hell didn't you tell me sooner, we could have boy talked all these years”. She is a great friend and was glad she took it the way she did, and because of her I didn’t have to hide who I was at her wedding.

Now back on the home front. I had to tell my best male friend. Now that was a chore. Sitting there having coffee he knew something was up. I was quiet, nervous, could barely do anything but fidget. I told him it’s hard what I had to say to him. He asked what, and I said to him “I'm gay”. He said to me “I thought you might have been but didn't want to say. I knew you'd tell me eventually”. He said that he didn't think any different of me, except now he has lost some of his favorite sayings. He's a good friend and knows it’s hurtful to say "things are gay." So far two great experiences with two great friends.

Now onto my family. I have two sisters, both older and a father, mum died when I was young. So I went to dinner with my closest sister, the middle one. After dinner I asked if we could go for a coffee. She found it odd since I never ask her to go for coffee. So she politely told her husband that she and I were going out for a bit. We got the coffee shop and got our drinks and sat down. We had some idle chit chat when I got all nervous. She knew what was coming. I told her I was gay, and I began to tear up. She told me it's ok. She figured that is what I wanted to tell her since I had asked her for coffee. It was a huge relief for me to tell her, as we became very close since our mom passed away many years before. We were able to talk about it, and how hard it must be for me to date and meet guys since she herself found it difficult back in the day and she is straight. She asked if it would be ok for me to tell her husband, and I said of course. She waited till I went home, and he was cool with it too. I love my sister for that.

Now that was just over a year ago that I told her, but not my other family members. I still struggle with that. I know my other sister will not care either and love me still, but I find it hard to tell her since we are not as close. And my father and I have trouble too. Every time I see him I want to tell him but always get frightened to. His wife is a florist so he has been around gay men before. But I am his only son. I don't want to disappoint him. He is a steel worker as well, so he has always been the tough man. I am sure he has suspicions and in time I will find the courage to tell him.

Reading Chely's book (at the suggestion of my sister after seeing her on Nate Berkus, which I missed) has really opened my eyes to know that many people struggle and in time find their inner courage to come out and tell the world. Chely is beginning to become a role model to me. The way she carries herself in business and in life is how I too would like to be, LIKE ME.

Together we are one. We share the same experiences, the same fears, the same hopes and the same dreams. I am blessed that I live in country that allows gay people to be afforded the same rights and freedoms as hetero people, and wish that soon everyone in the world will too.

We are all LIKE ME!

This is the first time that I have voiced my story and now hope it won’t be the last. As I said, I am a work in progress as we all are and all will be.

Added March 26, 2011

I can remember always know that I was different from everyone else. I was attracted to girls that I was around. I always would dream that I was a boy so that it was alright that I was attracted to them. I grew up in a very small town for a huge part of my life and saw no one around me that was "Like Me" at all. Then at 12 years old I knew that I was a lesbian, but couldn't tell anyone. I was already made fun of all the time as I was a very big tomboy. Then I went into the foster care system full time as the state of Minnesota took full custody of me. I learned at a very young age in the system that it was not safe at all to come out. Then I went very far into the closet.

That was so hard especially since I was such a tomboy. Then I remember when I was 16 years old in a group home and a staff member took me away from the entire group of kids to an office in the basement and tried to force me to out myself as a lesbian. The whole time the staff member just kept telling me that it was ok and that nothing was going to change. I knew that was a complete lie. If I can come out right then and there I would have to fear even more for my safety. So then they told me that if I wasn't gay that I would have to grow my hair out, buy girly clothes and wear make-up.

That was the time in my life that I really became even more depressed and began cutting myself even more to deal with everything. I became a ward state because of abuse and neglect. So they were like my 'parents". So I then went along with their requests as I knew I couldn't come out. That was the point in my life that I really felt like I was a total lie and fake. I felt like I had to get up every day and wear a mask of clothes n hair n make up.

I didn't come out officially until after I was out of the foster care system. That whole story of the system is a long one. I started to slowly start coming out my freshman year of college. It is not so acceptable to be gay at all. There was a girl on my dorm floor that didn't accept it and OUTED me to the entire dorm down in the lobby. After that every time I would go into the bathroom or to shower everyone except for my true friends would all leave like I was going to look at them or something. That was very so hard. I then began to drink a lot...like 7 days a week. Then all of a sudden I found myself my own "family". That is when I did what I always wanted to do in life...."I began my true self" I cut off almost all of my hair, bought men's clothes...polo’s and jean/shorts mostly. That was the day that I felt relief in life.

I still today deal with bullying from people, but I have learned that I have to live my life as who I truly am! I am a proud butch lesbian! I live proudly with my partner with whom I am engaged to.

To everyone out there "It Does Get Better"....not always easy but living as who you are the best thing you can do for yourself!

I spent most of my young life in the closet. When I finally did come out I was told by my father that he would rather I was dead. Threatened and abused as a child that if I were to come out I would be killed by my father I was rather afraid to live truthfully. I was told several things by my father about Gays and what he would do if any of his kids were gay. So in the closet I stayed. I tried to kill myself when I was a freshman in college because I could not take it anymore. I successfully managed to mess my back up permanently. I finally came to the realization that I needed to be true to myself and came out. I obviously lived and am happy I did. I met in 1994 a wonderful woman and we have been together ever since. I do not have enough space here to type my entire story and have been told I should write my life story because it is one of inspiration and triumph. I believe it to be so and I will embark on this journey and hope it helps others who are like me. If you are reading this know you are not alone and you are loved.

I am 17 years old and I live with my father and my step-mom who are both atheist and super supportive of my lifestyle. It was not until last summer that I realized I was a lesbian; I just thought I was bisexual but I spent time with my mother, who left my father for a woman, and her sister, who has a wife with two kids. So far I have only had one girlfriend and that came with a lot of problems. She had an extremely religious family and went to a private school that was inside a church. Her parents did not like us being together and did as much as they could to keep us apart. We had to sneak around and meet up secretly. One day her parents followed us to the mall and confronted me in hot topic. She yelled at me and called me a liar, she said that I was the cause of all her problems and the reason why her daughter was a liar. She told me that she wanted to rip my face off and her husband finally tried to step in and get her out of there. Of course to other people around, we were just a funny sideshow to watch. Later that night my girlfriend ran away and came to my house.

My parents are completely open to my sexuality and are very supportive so they were perfectly okay to let her in. of course they called people and did what was necessary to make it legal for her to stay at my house. When she left that was the last I saw of her. I had no choice but to break up with her; I hated it and it broke my heart to hear her cry but I had to do it. I was an emotional wreck. I am happy now and I still think of her every once in a while but I am moving on and hopefully going on a date soon. Being a lesbian can be difficult but in my generation so many people are supportive and accepting. It is the parents and grandparents who have issues with the LGBT community.

For most of my 43 years, I have been acutely aware of the fact that I am a lesbian. However, like many of us, I have done everything to hide that from the world. In fact, to the "world" I am a successful, happily married Christian woman and a mother of 3 beautiful 'young adults'. I have recently made the decision that in this coming year, I will finally be true to myself, stop the lying, and become "whole". I worry about this decision on so many levels, but mostly that my children will not understand and I will lose them (even if only for the short term).

I was not previously a Chely Wright fan. In fact, I would not have recognized the name 3 months ago. However after hearing her story and reading "Like Me" something resonated deep within me. Although I am still not "out" I want to do whatever I can to help Chely with this cause that I feel will save so many young (and not so young) lives. I also feel that involvement (on some level) with this project may help me in my own journey that awaits me in the coming year.

Many of us worry tremendously about these young LGBT folks and I have decided to get involved. I was in the U.S. Military and I was brave enough to fight for this country. However, I have not been brave enough to stand up for who I am and what I believe in. The young people today who are being bullied ARE courageous enough to be true to themselves. They have the courage that I did not have and they are facing a great deal of adversity. Together, as a community, we can--and will--make a difference.

I'm 22 yrs old and from Europe. I grew up surrounded by understanding, open minded and liberal people. When I read stories about people who are not accepted by their families/friends because of their sexuality, who struggle to come to term with themselves because of their religion, who live in fear, I'm almost scared they might despise me for my "problem", for the "drama" I create for myself about my own sexuality.

It would make my life a whole lot easier if I just told my family and friends that I'm almost sure that I am a lesbian, but I can't even have the thought of telling them. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Would they understand? Would it change the way they see me? I feel like I might be letting them down, for whatever reason. How can I? Surrounded by gay people (actually only men though) all my life, I almost hate myself for feeling the way I do; for not being able to even talk to my therapist about it; for thinking one thing-but doing another. Nobody would expect me to be gay. Maybe that is what makes it even harder. Spotting and befriending feminine lesbians in my everyday life seems impossible, because i seem to be lacking the infamous “gaydar”.

My personal journey is still filled with a million questions and a lot of contempt for myself for various reasons. Although I know I am a good person. I should just get the courage to be true to myself because compared to other journeys; mine should be a piece of cake.

I grew up as an Air Force brat from divorced parents and knew by the age of 5 that I was different. I was your typical tomboy always playing outside and hanging out with the boys. Life was great until I started having hard crushes on both my babysitter and on my friend's big sister who was eleven. I was living in the South and just knew there was something "wrong" with me. As I grew up I became a promiscuous "straight" girl to hide that side of me deep down and I had power and independence to do what I wanted. I played the games so no one else would know, except for a couple of girl friends along the way who liked to experiment too. During those times I was happy and playful and felt at home. During elementary school I had two sides to me, the good girl that tried to please everyone and the bad girl that got caught smoking, stealing and acting out. Living on Air Force Bases was a form of torture to me because I loved to watch all those Women in Uniform, and I had the freedom to go all over the Base on my bicycle. Now I really started having those funny feelings and the "warm fuzzies" inside. This was like a bomb going off and I knew I had to shut it down fast. I locked it away and became a model student for my escape.

By the time I reached junior high I was a total academic and a chameleon, depending on which group I hung with at the time. Since I moved so much it was easy to maintain and my new motto had become "adapt and overcome" just like the Marines. I joined band and then my world changed as I fell in hard core love/lust with my band teacher. For a year and a half, I had very vivid sexual dreams, I would get flushed being near her and used any excuse to hang out in the band room. Sometimes my friends and I would joke about being gay or else help to taunt others, as I protected MY secret. I was also from a Protestant background and use to church hop with my friends to explore different faiths, searching for answers. The war inside my head and body and soul had begun and I spiralled deeper into an abyss. I became apathetic about living and began taking risks. I even played Russian Roulette several times, sometimes loading two shells across from each other. Obviously, I was meant to live and then moved back to my Mom's for high school.

This was both a blessing and a curse because my step-dad began to question me almost daily about if I was gay. I lied so much that it became my new truth. Again I shut that part of me down and played the high school dating game. In South Florida, I had begun to become suicidal again during my sophomore year and was researching a GLBT youth support group and trying to get up the guts to go. I also was blessed with meeting an older lesbian couple who gave me guidance as I tried to figure out who I really was inside. During this time, we got orders to Idaho, and hate crimes were still the norm there, as "Queers were being taken, beaten and burned up in their cars" and this was 1986. Needless to say, I was "scared" back into that deep closet and only my Mom and Lesbian friends knew of my confusion as I went back to playing the game. I was crushed and couldn't handle being different. I wanted the straight marriage, career, house, white picket fence and 2.3 children. I wanted that safety net and being "normal" and accepted, by my family, friends and society. I became a binge alcoholic for my escape, always stayed in control at parties, and became terrified of any female contact that might betray my real self. I also turned away from my faith because I was a sinner now in so many ways. In my high school, we had a suicide epidemic and I knew for a fact that one was gay. I was lost and felt alone because I had shut my emotions down and pulled away from everyone. My first semester of college I lived in the girl’s dorm and that was pure torture as I was thrust into a lustful frenzy as half clothed, or less, women ran around our floor partying and such. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and transferred out.

Finally, by 1989 we moved back South and it was in Alabama that I finally came home. I found a gay bookstore and a community of people "Like Me." My coming out process began and I flew out of that closet. I had my first Lesbian sexual experience and I was so nervous, I was stiff as a board, but that didn't last long at all. I became a strong advocate for visibility, my Mom became a PFLAG chapter chair in support of us all and at my University I was a charter member to start a GSA group. My Mom and I were making history and yes, she was still married to my hateful step-dad. We were even featured in a story on the front page of the Birmingham News. The bottom line is that I had become free to be Me for the first time in my life and I'd also found my way back to my Faith by going to the MCC church. I was really beginning to be okay and feel accepted. Over twenty years have come and gone and I am still as out as ever. Only twice did I hide in the professional world and I did reach a point of just being proud and not shoving it down people's throats. I have found more love and acceptance from friends and "family" by just being myself and being honest about my being a Lesbian. God had plans for me after all. ;)

I separated from my husband of 15 years about 9 years ago. The divorce was the result of abuse, etc. I have two children; they were 7 and 9 at the time. I knew that once divorced I would be "uncovered" but I also knew that I never wanted to be with a man again. All my life I knew that something was missing. My friends would talk about boyfriends/husbands and I just did not feel what they felt. Throughout my life I had secret crushes on women, but never allowed myself to acknowledge that it was because I was gay. I never let my heart or mind confront these feelings, until my marriage was over. I knew I did not want to live a lie; I wanted to feel what I knew I had never felt and would never feel with a man.

I spent two years going to gay bars, talking with other lesbians, and for the first time I felt I could exhale. I was home and it was so natural. Then, unexpectedly I met a wonderful woman. I came out to myself, family, friends, over time, even my kids, but I am still not fully "out". I feel like I am still ashamed of myself as a sexual being, let alone a lesbian, that I say that I am gay. I say that I have a partner, but I don't live it. There is always this elephant in the room and I cannot take it anymore. Neither can my partner. We have been together for over six years now and the long arduous process of coming out, moving out of my parents home, finalizing a long and painful divorce, dealing with my children, has weighed very heavily on us.

I simply want to live an adult life, with a partner, and not be afraid to integrate that with my children and to accept that I am entitled to have this wonderful woman in my life and make her part of my life with my children, in my home. I feel as though for all my life I have been told how to live, which wasn't how I wanted to live, ,that I don't know how to live MY life at this point. I don't want fear and shame anymore. I want peace and love of myself. I don't know why I can't find that inner peace and strength. That is where I am at now; a journey of finding inner strength and self esteem to fully live my life with my girlfriend and not worry about how that might impact on anyone or what anyone might think. I want to live my life as though I am entitled, because I am.

So a bit about me. I live in Johannesburg, South Africa. I learned about Chely Wright thanks to the Oprah show. I was so moved by the story of her coming out that it made me cry. So much of her story is my story and I am sure many of ours who are gay. I come from a Catholic family and I go to Mass once a week. It brings me a sense of peace. I am also from a Portuguese family. The combination of all of that has stopped me from coming out to my family.

I am now 40 years old and although I have not been in a serious relationship for over 3 years I still don't have the courage to come out to my family. What is worse is that they live about 600 kms from me and nobody in our family has ever been gay and none of my family ever had a gay friend, at least not that I am aware of.

How do I tell my family that the girl they think I am is not the girl I am? At what age does it become okay to be brave enough to let your parents know? It's driving me a bit crazy at the moment. Turning 40 really has changed the way I look at things. Do I live the rest of my life not telling them?

My story may be a little different than those who post. I am 38 years old and I came out when I was 33. I don’t know if you can really call it coming out, but at 33 I decided to live the life I was supposed to. I was married. Greg and I were together for 7 years prior to getting married. We were married for 3 1/2 years before I moved out, and according to the court, were legally married for 4 ½. I always knew I was different but chose the safe route. I fell in love, the best way I knew how, with an incredible man. I was not completely comfortable with the idea of marriage. Yet when he proposed in San Marco Square in Venice, Italy, I was swept away. I knew something wasn’t right. But I couldn’t deal with it. The hard part was when I knew I had to deal with it. That is when the guilt and the fear consumed me. I knew I wasted 10 years of a great man’s life because of my fear to be who I was. I was scared because I knew of the struggle of acceptance I would face. The guilt consumed me. To the point that I had pills lined up. I did not know how to deal with wasting years of someone else’s life due to my own fears. I struggled. But something inside me knew I had to continue with my life. I went to therapy. I learned and I grew. I found my inner strength. I found my inner confidence. In my process I found the dormant person I was born to be. Yet I still struggled. I moved out, I was going through a divorce. I felt as though I was losing two families. His and mine. His I knew, would never forgive me. I knew my parent would be so very upset but I had faith they would come around because they did love me. So this decision to be who I was , was more of a risk because the loss of two families was so hard for me. But in my heart I knew I had to be me. And yet I knew I was still an outcast in the gay/lesbian community. And sadly I was a little right. I didn’t feel included because I had been married. I felt as though I was wearing a big “D” on my chest. I struggled giving up my security of acceptance and of a dual income, of a big house, of the “American dream”…but I knew that wasn’t my dream. And now I struggled with being an outcast of a group that struggled to be accepted. It was a strange time. But I put myself out there. I grabbed onto the confidence that was building inside and put myself out in a new world. I had fun, I had too much fun. But I found myself. I found my place. I found my peace. After my fair share of dating I met the woman who I am supposed to be with, at a flag football game. I was settled in my life. I knew who I was and was confident in that. She is truly the love of my life. We recently bought a house and are planning a family. My ex-husband and I are still best friends and share custody of our dogs. He, my girlfriend and I go out to dinner frequently. He used to get our opinion on the new women he was dating, but now is dating a great woman who, my girlfriend and I love. And she is accepting of us and our kind of dysfunctional ‘family” unit. I struggled. I was fearful I was scared. But this was my process. Everyone’s process is different. But I wouldn’t give up my struggle because I feel like the person I was meant to be because of it.

This will be the first time I have ever shared my story with anyone. I have been in a secret relationship for about 14 years. I am 46 years old and somehow I still feel like I have failed my family. I pretty much don't have any really close friends because I keep them at a safe distance in fear of them knowing of my relationship. It sucks because I am extremely happy with my partner. I have a good job but those that I work with think I live alone and have no life. I want to tell my mom but I am afraid I will somehow disappoint her. As I write this tears are streaming down my face because I have never opened up about this and it feels good. I want so badly to be around others that understand me and won't judge me. I want to be somewhere that I can openly hold my girlfriends hand or hug her so that others can see how happy I am. When people start to get close to me I shut them out because I don't want them to know or suspect of my relationship. I dream of the day when there is no more hiding and people can know ALL of me.

Like Chely, I grew up in a small, all white, religious farming community in West Michigan. I didn't discover "Gay" until I went through a disastrous marriage and went out into the big world. I had to move to a big city to find people "like me." It is a very dark and scary place to be thinking you are so different. I am glad that Chely is brave enough to put her "celebrity status" to good use. I support this website and cause.

I'd known I was a lesbian since I was 11 or 12. I always liked girls better than boys in that intimate respect. I had my first real Lesbian romance when I was a senior in High school 1979. I was in love or so I thought. She had other ideas, after graduation she left, I never saw her again. By my mid-twenties in the early 80's I tried to be with a man for the sake of my parents, I even got engaged. None of it ever worked with me and men. The engagement broke up, I joined the Air Force and started meeting all kinds of women who were gay. Back then DADT didn't exist. A person just couldn't say anything period.

I came home from my first out of state military experience and the first time I had ever been away from home. I finally told my parents that I was a lesbian. The once very close knit family now didn't speak to me for another two years. Fortunately for me I had a lot of great friends who helped me through that tough time. I tried to kill myself twice and never succeeded. Not because I was gay, but because my Mom and Dad couldn't handle it. After two years they decided that they loved me no matter what, but we could never talk about it.

20 plus years later, I've been with my partner for over 20 years, and my parents love her, but we still can't talk about it. I am as out of the closet as I can be, being a professional in the Healthcare industry, I have to be careful still who I tell, sad really when you think about it. I'd love to tell the whole world, but for fear of losing another job because I'm gay I keep my mouth shut. Yes, I've tried to be out of the closet, but when people I've worked with in the past have found out, I've been fired. Oh, they call it something else, but plain and simple, "you're fired because you're a lesbian, we don't want your kind around here" If they'd just be honest about it and call it what it is I might have more respect for them than telling me that after 5 years of employment... "You’re just not working out".......RIGHT!!! I don't know if it ever truly gets any better, or if we just get thick skinned and use to the abuse. When people make nasty comments now, I just smile at their ignorance.

I am an 18 year old California girl. I have been hiding all my life. But it wasn't till this summer (or the summer of 2010) that Chely Wright, without her knowing so, gave me the strength to tell my mom and friends who I truly was. I have been a Chely Fan for as long as I can remember. So it was a MUST to read her book, but her coming out story gave me the feeling that anything can be possible. Then meeting her for the first time was surreal; she most likely doesn't remember me, I still thank her from the bottom of my heart for giving me some happiness and peace. Although I'm not completely free yet, college is looking amazing right now!

I am an out gay women who has been active in my community for over 45 years. I came out when I was 18 years old in my first year in college, when I fell in love with my freshman English professor. When I told members of my family, each one reacted in a different way. My dad was fine with it. He was a liberal and totally understood me. My sister who had always been indifferent and distant remained in that place. Today we are closer but I would not call us friends. My mother was a totally different story. My mother never accepted me, my politics or my partners. Even as a child, I felt isolated from her. I remember when I was in high school when friends thought my parents were cool, I would tell them, “You don’t know my mom!” My mom was always so wrapped up in the business of my older sister, I use to joke with my peers that my sister was an only child. I would become estranged from my mother sometime during the middle of high school. We remained estranged for over 25 years. At best, we were cordial and only spoke at family holidays gatherings where my attendance was obligatory. On occasion, when my mother had been drinking, she would call to berate me for being such a horrible and disappointing daughter. In my mother's later years she became increasingly vicious and mean not only towards me but people who she felt had wronged her. Yes, she felt I had wronged her by "choosing" to be gay. It was after all my way of hurting her. My way of showing her what a failure she had been as a mother. She never tried to understand anything about me. When my mother became physically unable to care for herself. No one in the family, not her other daughter, her sister, her two grandchildren, whom she had spent all of her money on over the years, were willing to take on the responsibility of her care. She was by then so mean spirited few people even wanted to visit, especially if she was intoxicated, which had become an almost daily occurrence. I was called. My partner had recently died, I was alone so the family decided I was the perfect choice to care for my ailing mother. Imagine being asked to live with a person who has rejected and hated you for the past 25 years! Since it has never been in my nature to say no to something wounded and in pain, I would/could not say no to my mother. I spent the next 15 years of my life caring for someone who in truth probably did not like me or anything about me, from my sexual identity to my political views. Over the years I believe my mother came to accept me on some levels. She had to. I was the only one who would put up with her. I rather look on those years as a mellowing journey for my mom. In those years, there were times my mother would become nostalgic and emotional. She would tearfully tell me how much she loved me. She often thanked me for caring for and helping her. I came to believe that was probably all my mother was capable of giving. In the end, she let me know how much she did or did not care about me. When she died, she left every single penny she had and all of her worldly belongings to my sister and her two grand children. Had I not owned the home we lived in by that time, she would have signed it over to one of the grandchildren. In the end, I would have been homeless if she had her way. I was left with only memories of my mother. I don't resent her, I pity her. She failed to know a warm, wonderful sensitive and giving women who over the years was professionally engaged in helping families and children become healthier and happier people. I couldn't make my family functional, but I helped so many others along the way. I am at peace with myself and the memory of my mother. I forgave her years ago. Perhaps that is the reason I am so in tuned to the pain and suffering of others - able to help them navigate to a safe place within themselves. For that, I can thank my mother.

I knew I was gay when I was 5. I didn't know what sex was. I just knew I wanted to be with girls. It wasn’t a choice. As I was a Christian then I went to church and participated in all church activities till I was 30. I never dated till I was 35 because I could not bring myself to date a guy, yet I could not come out because my family is religious. I prayed to god to make me straight every day of my life and contemplated suicide many times, but my guilt stopped me from acting it out. I also prayed that I’d be killed in an accident before I turned 30. Life was so unbearable. None of my prayers were answered, however, and I tried dating a guy. I hated it but luckily it ended quickly. I became a recluse and I spent my weekends on my couch surfing the net for information and coming out stories. I wanted to know if there was someone like me. Gradually I knew there is only one thing for me to do, which is to come out. I was in such a grip of fear that I started counselling to help me through the process. At first I was still adamant that I would not come out, but through the sessions I’d come to realize that I could never have any real relationship with my family and friends if I continued hiding. Every conversation I had was half lies because I needed to cover up my true feelings. I dodged questions like a pro but at the same time I could not enjoy the conversations. During that time I signed up to a dating website for lesbians and I struck up conversations with other women. I even met up with one woman who later arrange drinks at a pub and invited all the women she met on the site. I went and there I met my wonderful partner, and we have been together for 3 years now. My partner had just come out to her family and friends, and she encouraged me to do the same. Finally with lots of counselling and support from the partner I came out to my family and friends. I lost a couple of friends but the rest are happy for me, and some already guessed! My brother stopped talking to me but my folks are finally happy for me to have a partner. I wish I had come out sooner so that I didn't have all though empty years of hiding, and being disconnected from my family. However, one must come out when one’s ready. Everyone’s journey is different and some may not have understanding people around them. With a site like this though, the message of hope will not be lost. To anyone who is struggling with yourself, I just want you to know that though it is difficult but it’s worth coming out. If you feel alone, do read Chely Wright’s book, Like Me, as you will find encouragement and know that you’re not the only one who feels how you feel. I also feel I have been reborn. Life is just so much easier without the shackles of lies.

I feel very fortunate, though like many, I struggled with my sexuality for years, had numerous thoughts of suicide and hit rock bottom with depression, once I decided to be true to myself and truthful to those around me, I gained the strength and courage I needed to go on in life. I'm not sure where the strength and courage came from, maybe it came from a sense of utter hopelessness in my situation, I guess I just felt like I had nothing left to lose, so why not just throw caution to the wind? My coming out overall has not burned any bridges or lost me any closeness with my family, for this I feel very fortunate. Don't get me wrong, it did not come without conflict. I am a twin, and not just any twin, an identical twin. From an early age my twin sister was boy crazy, loved dresses, princesses and makeup. I was a tomboy, loved sports, Donald Duck, fishing and our grade school friend, not to mention our 5th grade female teacher. My sister and I looked identical on the outside (even won a prize for looking alike in a contest), but our personalities and loves couldn't have been more opposite. My entire life I have tried to wrap my brain around how it is possible for two people with "identical" DNA to have opposite sexual orientations. I know more science has come out showing even "Identical twins" do not have exactly identical DNA, however it made it very hard for me to accept myself and made it even harder for my mother. I was forced to date boys (or risk losing the privilege to participate in my sports or hang out with my "best friend" let's just call her a lost love) because my mom told me I couldn't be gay because my twin liked boys. I gave being straight a second try when I got to college, I figured, maybe I just never found the right guy in my small town. My sister and I continued to remain very close through all of this (we were roommates in college our frosh year), however at that time I was too scared to come out to her about my true feelings for women. I was afraid I'd loose my best friend, my twin and the only reason at the time I was keeping myself alive. I tried to immerse myself in "straight culture" at school. I joined a sorority, I went to frat parties, I dated men and all of this made me more despondent and depressed. After becoming so fatigued with the lies I was carrying around, and becoming physically unable to drag myself out of bed to classes, I finally broke down and told a friend that I was for certain a lesbian. Thankfully I chose this friend well and had an overall encouraging and positive experience which gave me the courage to come out to my sister. All my fears were assuaged when she told me, she already knew, didn't care and just couldn't wait until I'd get a grip and just accept it already. (I wish she had just come out with that acceptance earlier to spare me all of the angst, but I digress.) Over time I came out to my sorority sisters, openly started dating women and was 100% out at school. The trouble with my mom began when I wanted to bring my girlfriend home for the holidays. My mom always wanted to be involved in every facet of our lives. She invited boyfriends over for holidays when you didn't even want them there she was always so excited about the relationship. When I told her I was planning on bringing my girlfriend home to meet the family, she said absolutely not. I was welcome to come but I was not welcome to bring my girlfriend. I told her this part of me was not going to change, I had liked women for as long as I could remember and she was the one now who had to make a choice. She had the choice of coming to terms with my sexuality or loosing me as a part of her life. It was two years before my mom came to terms with it, over those years there were heated debates, many missed holidays with my family and many letters from me explaining my feelings. I don't remember the exact day she "got over it" I'm pretty sure it happened gradually, after I had been with my partner for over 2 yrs I think she finally realized, this is not something that was going to go away and just gave up. Funny, when I finally was able to bring my partner to family gatherings my mother's siblings were very accepting and inviting. My partner, now my wife since my state laws allow it, and I have now been together for over 7 yrs. When I found that my perseverance could change my mother's feelings on my relationship, a person who I never thought would come around and ever truly accept me, I gained the courage to speak out and promote acceptance for all. I live my life out and proud now every day because it is the best way I know how to help those who's stories are not yet as positive as mine.

Thank you for giving me a place to share my story - I hope others can resonate with my truth. I am female, in my mid-40s, and have finally realized that I am gay. “Finally realized” may sound odd, but that is my truth. Not being given the space to be myself in my childhood, an emotionally detached mother, suppressed feelings, religious upbringing, television news in the 1970s projecting negative commentaries, and fear make up my story. The first girl I kissed was in 1st grade; she became my best friend. I hated dolls - I always wanted to play outside with the boys in the neighborhood, or at least in the mud making mud pies. I preferred pants over dresses and apparently never quite "knew" how to act like the lady my parents wanted me to act like. Somehow though, I did learn to “act” for people. So much so that it affected my mental state of being. Thank God, literally, my mental status can and is being healed with therapy. Through the years, people have always questioned me if I was gay; others commented harshly assuming that I was all the while I said, "No, I am not!" I was living a lie and didn't even know it - well not entirely. Some part of me knew it to be true, but I couldn't allow myself to believe it, let alone act upon it. It has felt as though I have spent my entire life searching for an answer to some unknown question, and all along it was right in front of me; I didn't allow myself to see the answer. Once I was able to forgive my mother for all her verbal abuse, my life started to come into focus. I changed my name, I returned to college, I began a new career all to which were leading me to the discovery of my true self. I had a roommate in my early 20s. We were friends, well, sort of. We did almost everything together - shopping, movies, cooking, parties; people assumed we were a couple to which we both vehemently denied. We did, however, joke about being gay all the time; we never acted upon the feelings we had for each other though. When she got married, I thought I was going to die. This of course made no sense to me – how illogical – “a broken heart” over a girlfriend? Six years later she left her husband; she “came out” during their marriage. Three years after that, she called me; I refused to see her. I had had yet another boyfriend which, of course, didn’t last, but I was still angry with her for “leaving me.” Nine years more passed and I decide to call her. I felt convinced in my own mind that I was straight, and to what harm would it do to see her again. Wow…life hasn’t been the same since that meeting. We met for dinner and started talking, but my poor heart just burst open and I started to cry – I loved her. I really did. She has a partner now, and I am so happy for her. I hate to say it, but when I went home, I got drunk - information overload. Oh my gosh, is this reality mine? I looked up the definition for the word “gay” and unmistakable was unable to deny my truth anymore: emotionally, and/or physically, and/or sexually attracted to women. Once this resonated into my being I looked back upon my entire life – all the way back to the little girl I kissed in elementary school and felt relief as the answer to my life’s question had been answered, in fact, my entire life made sense for the first time in my life. I wish I could say that feeling has stayed with me these last two months, but it has not. Hatred, shame, anger, joy, fear, hope and possibly any other adjective you can think of have all crossed my mind. I have cried too. All I can say is I am so glad to have a therapist helping me through this portion of my life’s journey. A few friends, who knew all along, but never asked me or expressed a negative tone when the subject came up, have been walking with me through this life altering experience as well. If you are reading this, absolutely know that you are not alone and there ARE other people out there that love you and care about you who want to walk with you during this experience. Life is looking better every day. For the first time, in a really, really long time, I feel like a woman and want to dress up and get into better physical shape! I have hope that I can find someone to share my life with now - I no longer need to be alone. I know that my relationship with my Lord is secure – He loves me. Now all I need to do is accept myself and treat myself with the respect and love that I am so deserving of. The prison to which I have been in since I was a child has open doors - all I need to do is walk out and into my life in the most honest way I possibly can now that I know my own truth. For the first time I can say, “I believe I will experience joy in my life now that I have been set free.”

Starting High School is hard enough. I always knew I was different but I didn’t know how exactly. My last year in middle school I started to watch all of my friends develop crushes for boys, i never did. I thought that I had not found the right guy yet. I found out that it wasn't a guy but more like a girl. As a freshman, I met someone who changed my life. I knew then that I was a lesbian. I didn't really understand it. All I knew is that i liked a girl and she liked me back. I thought there was nothing wrong with that. Then my parents found out. When my dad first found out he called me unnatural and said that being a lesbian was not acceptable. My mom then told me that I was closing doors and that the sex was not the same and I would never be happy. I was shocked and felt alone. I knew that God loved me but why would he make me into something my own parents did not accept. Now as a senior in high school, my parents have come to realize that I am a lesbian and they can't change that. I gave my mother "Love, Ellen" By Betty DeGeneres to read to help her realize that I still love her and more than anything I need her to love me too. 4 years later and I know I'm no longer alone but it wasn't always like that.

In high school a rumor was started about me in my small town school that I was a lesbian. At the time I didn't know anyone who was gay, much less think that I was myself. Never the less, I was called names, threatened, had people attempt to run me and a friend over with a car and every day it was like the parting of the seas when I walked down the hall of the school. High school was horrible but when I graduated I left and started over. I still wasn't sure who I was in college but I went to church and put all of my energy into being a "good person". I never really had a girlfriend or boyfriend before this point and then I met a girl and I had feelings I never had before. I was scared to death because I thought I would go to hell for even thinking about being with a girl, but I gave in. We hid our relationship from everyone which was not an easy task living in a small dorm. After being in a relationship with that girl for a few years I decided to come out to my family. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done. One of my sisters was very accepting but my mother who always has something to say said nothing. And then came the words "it's an abomination". She did not believe it was right but she ended up being kind and accepting to my partner. That was probably eight years ago and even though some people are still not completely accepting of the fact that I'm gay I am out to most people that know me and I have a great life. I have a girlfriend of five years and I am a preschool teacher. So for those of you who have had a hard life as a LGBT person just remember it will get better-especially after high school.