The LIKEME® Organization

Added May 12, 2011

I've known I was different ever since I can remember. I always felt like an outcast and like I was the polar opposite of normal. When I was little I didn't really know why I was different, I just knew I was. As I got into middle school, I realized that I thought of my friends in a way that they more than likely didn't think of me; it wasn't every friend, but some of them. I didn't have intimate feelings for them, I was just curious about girls in a way that I knew my friends were not. I never had that boy crazy stage, but I longed for it. I was bullied and teased all throughout school, simply because people were mean. It lessened with every year that went by, and I did have some friends, but I always felt like it was punishment because deep down, I was different, and I felt dirty.

The first time that I REALLY thought I was gay, and said it out loud to myself, was eighth grade, and when I said it, I cried for hours. After that night I told myself that it never happened and that I did like boys. I forced myself to believe that, and I was in actual denial. One of my best friends, a boy, asked me out in eighth grade, so I said yes. I was ecstatic, because I was paranoid that since I hadn't had a boyfriend yet that this was my chance to prove to everyone that I liked boys and that they liked me. It only lasted a week, because it just felt weird, even though I was only 13. So I ended it. We remained good friends. We then tried to date again in high school a couple times, and I ended it those times as well. I felt even more horrible for putting my friend on my rocky roller coaster. This also caused me to feel even filthier, because I had tried to force myself to be with a guy, but I couldn't do it, so those thoughts of girls started coming back. Then, that same year, I met a new best friend, and one day, we kissed--a lot. I liked it, and that terrified me. We sort of developed a physical relationship, but it was separate from our friendship. But every time we got together to hang out, all I wanted to do was kiss her. When we got into high school, we grew apart, and we never hung out. She got a boyfriend, so I was out of the picture. So my sophomore year and half of my junior year, I felt more alone than ever and I seriously considered taking my life. Although I had a new best friend during that time (who still is to this day), it still wasn't enough.

About halfway through my junior year, that new best friend started taking me to youth group. I learned about Jesus and how He could wash all my sins away and make me pure--how much He could change me--I wanted that more than anything as I continued to learn. Not long after, I was saved. I truly felt different and changed--I knew I was. I began to love Jesus with all my heart. I put all my energy and thoughts into my church and into deepening my relationship with Christ. My plan was to make myself straight and rid myself of depression. It worked--for a while. I am currently attending a Christian college, because I didn't want to lose my faith in college. I truly loved Jesus with all my heart.

I went through a rough patch my freshman year. My past started to affect me deeply and wounds that I had buried long ago were digging their way out of me. I confided in a Resident Advisor (RA) who I had just begun a friendship with. She helped me a lot as I went through that horrid time. Over a break that January we went to her house. One night that week, we thought we were both asleep. Then before we knew it, we were kissing. It lasted all night. When we got back to school, she started to tell me that we had to end it and we couldn't be together. I knew she was trying to do the right thing as a Christian and an RA, and even though I respected that, I had deep feelings for her, and I wasn't giving up. This new feeling with her sparked something in me to start finding out who I really was--to try to be more open with myself and accept who I am. We have been together for just over a year. We are madly in love. We will get married--we both know this. We are soul mates and she completes me. But unfortunately we live in secret at our school. If were to get found out, we would probably get kicked out--and we love our school, so even though she is a year older than me, we are waiting to tell anyone at school and our close families until we are both graduated. It is hard on us to keep who we are a secret, and it causes a lot of fights, but being with her and finally accepting the fact that I am a lesbian (and darn proud), has made me a better person. I am truly happy. I know she would say the same. Since we've been together, I've had no problems with depression and I am sorting through my past one day at a time.

We are still both Christians and we always will be. We love Jesus and we know we're going to heaven. We know some people in our lives won't agree, but we also know that that is okay, because we have each other. We know God loves us as we are. He doesn't make junk and He doesn't make mistakes. It is hard emotionally to hide who we are in the four walls of our small dorm room, but not too long from now, we will be free to be who we are without limitations. I am a lesbian, and I am finally proud of that. I no longer feel ashamed or dirty for the feelings I have. I'm learning to love myself and who I am.

Added May 12, 2011

Added March 26, 2011

Like so many older women I grew up when being gay was unheard of and no one even spoke the "L" word. I always felt different and by the time I was about 10 I knew I was different but didn't dare to even think that it was because I was a lesbian. I always said I was just shy and that's why I didn't date a lot. But I grew up with all of me stuffed inside and did the expected thing. I got married. He was killed in Vietnam. So I got married again and this time it lasted just about 1 year. I tried marriage and made it for almost 11 years and 2 children before the divorce. But being stupid I once again got married and this time made 5 years. At that point I decided no more and was quite content being alone. But I still wasn't happy.

Following her divorce my best friend moved into my townhouse to share expense. We lived together for several years and it was good to have the company. We were both adamant that we weren't gay until the day several years later when we realized - oh yea, we are definitely gay and very much in love with one another. It was pretty scary for a while but after 10 years and a move to North Carolina we can say we are now who God made us to be and have never been happier. Even though we do not live in a state that allows us to marry we belong to the Lutheran Church and are going to be married in the church this year. How different our lives could have been had we only accepted who we are long ago. But then we stop and we wouldn't have one another. I cannot begin to explain how freeing it has been to live my life just the way God made me! God bless you each and every one with his grace and the knowledge that he love you just as you are and being gay will not send you to hell. Those people don't know what they are talking about. So please if you are still in the closet - come on out! Life is wonderful on the outside!!

Added March 26, 2011

I have to trust that as every year recycles, spring brings new life to us. This spring, however, has been a puzzling one. Within its early presence, loss of life has come to pass. The idea of losing those dear to me and those around me is contrary to what has characteristically been a time of new growth and regeneration. For me, winter is my usual time for reflection and writing but unexpectedly, I have been consumed with introspection. As my Mom would say, “a quiet hush” has come over me.

For the families that lost loved ones these past few weeks, their loss is insurmountable. For the rest of us, we die a little each day. We lose little pieces of ourselves. Sometimes, we give those pieces up. Sometimes, they are taken from us. As for now, my attention has been focused on those who are living. I try to grasp the perspective and the mindset of the ones who take.

I don’t typically step into the arena of politics. I am amused by most people who fervently “discuss” their belief systems. It has been my determination that the “far right” and the “far left” could in fact be the very same people. Sometimes, I think that they have gone so extreme that they have gone full circle and bumped into each other, standing side by side with their fists in the air.

In my experience, people who vehemently profess “open-mindedness” are usually the most close-minded. My eyes were widely opened to the “left” during a trip to NYC. I was in a room full of liberal, lesbian, feminists…surely THEY would be open-minded…or at least appreciate diversity enough to allow for multiple belief systems and opinions. This however was not the case. I was told to “step out of my little Oklahoma box and look around to see the real world”. Now, I got quiet in this situation because I quickly resolved the fact that despite their preaching of open arms and individuality, I was not safe to share my thoughts or opinions. I also resolved that this person, who quickly shut me down, did not deserve to know the “whys” of what brought me to my place of thinking. Nor did she deserve to know me. More importantly, I don’t deserve to be mistreated based on who I am. Unbeknownst to this girl, I had stepped out of my “little Oklahoma box”. At the time, I had lived out of the country longer than I had lived in the country. I had served communities of the diseased and downtrodden. I fed the hungry, clothed the poor, treated the sick, built shelters for the homeless, comforted the orphaned, consoled the lonely and befriended the elderly. I’ve seen humanity at its worst. I saw with my own eyes what politics can do and for that matter, what it can’t do.

As far as the extreme right goes, my experience had been surprisingly the same. Instant judgment without knowing me or where I’ve come from. Love is what most of the extreme right, conservative preach. Love. I learned my lesson in love years ago. I was seventeen. I had dated boys…but I had developed close relationships with girls and at 17 was involved in my first same sex relationship. After being castigated and sent through my first gay to straight program, the lesson I learned was that something was wrong with me and I was incapable of love. By the standards of the modern church, “Homosexuals can’t have loving relationships”. I am gay = I can’t have a loving relationship. Because I am incapable of loving, I can’t be loved. I have had preachers call me an animal, tell me that I’m going to hell, tell me that my life will lead to nothing if it hasn’t already. To them, there is no such thing as a Christian who is also Gay. I have spent MANY years studying and deliberating the Bible and my life and where I’m at in my relationship with God. “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). What has been my discovery? History holds the key and sometimes the answer to so many of humanity’s questions. I have studied and I have my answer. Does this mean that I have stopped seeking? No. I continue to press on and draw from the Solomons of our day, scholars, my God and my Saviour. Quite honestly, my struggle has never been with God. He seemed to be the only one to constantly surround me. My struggle has always been with other people…the church. After going through 3 different gay to straight programs, being humiliated in front of my peers and asked to quit my “calling” of helping others I have come to learn that there has been a chasm created to separate God’s children. God didn’t create it. His children did. God never intended this for us. Love is love is love is love.

Now, I live my life to the fullest. Everyday thanking God for a chance to breathe again. I am not afraid of who He has created me to be. I am what I am and I like it.

I grew up in a not so small but very religious town. When I was eight my father left us because he was gay. It wasn't long after that time that I realized I like girls, but I was determined not to be gay. My church said it was wrong, my friends said it was gross, my mother said it was wrong, and my father was hated just for being gay so I was NOT going to be gay. I went through my teenage years dating guys because it was the right thing to do. I would pray to God "Please make me normal, I want to be normal.", but it never happened. I wanted so badly to be into guys like all my friends. I was once asked "So what kind of guys do you like?", and I didn't have an answer because "I don't like guys" wasn't an appropriate answer for a nice Christian girl.

When I went to high school there were some girls that everyone knew were lesbians and I would always hear my friends say "That’s so gross" or, the worst was, "They shouldn't be allowed to be here"(at church). My senior year of high school I kissed my first girl. Somehow that got back to the people I went to church with, and not to subtly I noticed I wasn't in the "in crowd" anymore. I was no longer called on to help the tweens and was removed from the nursery staff with no explanation. And then I found myself in a place where I didn't fit in anywhere. The people who I went to church shunned me because I had kissed a girl and the non-church people wouldn't even give me a chance because I was that Christian girl who didn't cuss, smoke, drink, or do drugs. I ended up dropping out of church not to long after that because I felt more alone in the church than out. I graduated from high school and moved away from my home town. I wanted a fresh start.

I came out of the closet at 18 to the people that I was close to. I won’t say that was an easy process by far but it could have turned out much worse. My dad told me he already knew. My mother wasn't happy but she didn't disown me. I had friends that decided they couldn’t be my friend and that hurt but I moved on. I wanted to go to college but my grades weren't good enough to get in so I decided to go to a Christian college and was faced with the decision to lie about being gay or risk not being accepted. Since I wanted so badly to make my life better I chose to lie because this was my chance. So at the age of 19 back in the closet I went. I made it through the first year just fine. My sophomore year I decided to move off campus with a group of friends. Living off campus allowed me to meet people outside of the school. I soon met a gay couple who lived in our neighbourhood. I then found myself having an ultimatum I had to choose "the lifestyle or school", and sitting in the Dean’s office that day I decided I was tired of living two me's. I left school that semester and once again the Christian community had left a bad taste in my mouth. It took a lot of very long conversations with God to realize it was religion and not God who had shunned me. I'm now 26 and completely out of the closet and very okay with myself.

I am a 21 year old lesbian. I didn't figure it out until I turned 20. I am also a Christian. For about a year and a half I struggled with guilt. I felt guilty because I had been told that homosexuality was a sin my entire life. That it was something to be ashamed of. But I was also struggling because I really didn't understand why it was wrong. I also couldn't tell my parents because they felt it was wrong and I wanted to figure out what how I felt about it before they started telling me how they felt about it. A few weeks ago I realized I don't think that it is wrong anymore. I felt so much lighter and I had peace for the first time since I found out I that I was gay. I still haven't told my parents...I am trying to figure out what to say, because now I not only need to tell them that I’m gay, but also that I don't think it’s wrong anymore.

So I am 23 years old and my first girlfriend and I have been together for a year now. Life has been amazing with her yet amazingly hard at the same time. My mother is a diehard Christian and believes that my relationship with my girlfriend is a sin. She refuses to allow her at her house and that has put a strain on my once perfect relationship with my mother. My mom never knew I was gay; I didn't even acknowledge I was gay until after I divorced my ex-husband. Now I have made it my mission to stand up for what I believe in. She and I are a family; both of us work in law enforcement and have a great family of friends there. A union who represents law enforcement has decided that they will recognize domestic partners for insurance purposes but the city in which we live does not agree with it therefore they will not pay for their portion of our benefits for me adding her. The union that represents us is now going to pursue the city legally on our behalf to force the city to accept us for insurance purposes....this is a stride in the right direction!!! There isn’t much more to say except that I love her and wish for her to marry me.

I knew I was a lesbian at an early age (around 7 y.o.) I knew at that age because my mother was a pentecostal preacher, so the churches we attended not only explained what being a lesbian was, all homosexuals were condemned to eternal hell-fire. Needless to say I spent years (about 9) begging God to change me, and that prayer was never answered. I spent many a tortured night, as a child, tossing and turning over the fear of burning in hell for eternity. At the age of 16 I gave up on God because I thought He had given up on me by not changing me. I was a lost and lonely soul. At 17 or 18 I came out to my mother, but she already knew and had been asking me for a while if I was gay, which I heartily denied. As I was trying to choke out the words she said it before I did. So, basically I confirmed her suspicions. Which began years of condemnation, concluding 11 1/2 years ago, when her final words to me before lapsing into a coma that night and dying the following evening, were "If you don't change your lifestyle you will burn in hell." However by that time I was 27 and alot had changed. At the age of 19 I found Open Door MCC in Boyd's Maryland. A LGBT church That showed me God's love, mercy and grace. They saved my life. So, while those last words from my mother still ring in my ears occasionally, they do not invoke feelings of fear for my soul, but feelings of sadness for her misinformed beliefs and in spite of everything a little hurt that those were my mother's final words to me. But I know God made me as I am and no one can separate me from the love of God!

I knew I was gay when I was 5. I didn't know what sex was. I just knew I wanted to be with girls. It wasn’t a choice. As I was a Christian then I went to church and participated in all church activities till I was 30. I never dated till I was 35 because I could not bring myself to date a guy, yet I could not come out because my family is religious. I prayed to god to make me straight every day of my life and contemplated suicide many times, but my guilt stopped me from acting it out. I also prayed that I’d be killed in an accident before I turned 30. Life was so unbearable. None of my prayers were answered, however, and I tried dating a guy. I hated it but luckily it ended quickly. I became a recluse and I spent my weekends on my couch surfing the net for information and coming out stories. I wanted to know if there was someone like me. Gradually I knew there is only one thing for me to do, which is to come out. I was in such a grip of fear that I started counselling to help me through the process. At first I was still adamant that I would not come out, but through the sessions I’d come to realize that I could never have any real relationship with my family and friends if I continued hiding. Every conversation I had was half lies because I needed to cover up my true feelings. I dodged questions like a pro but at the same time I could not enjoy the conversations. During that time I signed up to a dating website for lesbians and I struck up conversations with other women. I even met up with one woman who later arrange drinks at a pub and invited all the women she met on the site. I went and there I met my wonderful partner, and we have been together for 3 years now. My partner had just come out to her family and friends, and she encouraged me to do the same. Finally with lots of counselling and support from the partner I came out to my family and friends. I lost a couple of friends but the rest are happy for me, and some already guessed! My brother stopped talking to me but my folks are finally happy for me to have a partner. I wish I had come out sooner so that I didn't have all though empty years of hiding, and being disconnected from my family. However, one must come out when one’s ready. Everyone’s journey is different and some may not have understanding people around them. With a site like this though, the message of hope will not be lost. To anyone who is struggling with yourself, I just want you to know that though it is difficult but it’s worth coming out. If you feel alone, do read Chely Wright’s book, Like Me, as you will find encouragement and know that you’re not the only one who feels how you feel. I also feel I have been reborn. Life is just so much easier without the shackles of lies.

I've been honest with everyone else in my life so there's no point in not saying I'm gay on here. I think I've been asking my dad here and there to test the waters, well what if one of your daughters was gay, without really knowing I was testing the waters if that makes any sense? I should have not been scared to tell my parents and just because their liberal and love me and blah blah blah, it doesn't mean it's gonna be easy. I think I've always known and even more so in college but being shy and having my learning disabilities, and other health issues I didn't want to add something else that I thought might be hard on my parents. Just like I thought my parents didn't care. I'm 32 years old. I could have come out sooner but I think it's all about the right time. I've found an amazing methodist church with LGTB support and will have that on top of my family and friends. Don't feel pushed into coming out, come out when you feel it's right. I'm lucky because my sister and bro-in-law(that's what I call him) basically said so...Even a Mormon friend accepted me because she's known me since Jr High..a long time ago. Everyone that's known me forever has been nothing but supportive. My Dad said to me the other night "I wondered" but he wouldn't tell me why. My story could go on for hours but I want you to know there are people who care about you. Sometimes we have to look a long time, but don't give up. I want to be someone who can help others. I feel guilty for not coming out sooner. I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts in 2003 and as I look back I'm guess not being open about this was connected. I was born with a hole in my heart and pushed on through it as a baby and have survived many struggles, I know I'll get through this.

Thank you for giving me a place to share my story - I hope others can resonate with my truth. I am female, in my mid-40s, and have finally realized that I am gay. “Finally realized” may sound odd, but that is my truth. Not being given the space to be myself in my childhood, an emotionally detached mother, suppressed feelings, religious upbringing, television news in the 1970s projecting negative commentaries, and fear make up my story. The first girl I kissed was in 1st grade; she became my best friend. I hated dolls - I always wanted to play outside with the boys in the neighborhood, or at least in the mud making mud pies. I preferred pants over dresses and apparently never quite "knew" how to act like the lady my parents wanted me to act like. Somehow though, I did learn to “act” for people. So much so that it affected my mental state of being. Thank God, literally, my mental status can and is being healed with therapy. Through the years, people have always questioned me if I was gay; others commented harshly assuming that I was all the while I said, "No, I am not!" I was living a lie and didn't even know it - well not entirely. Some part of me knew it to be true, but I couldn't allow myself to believe it, let alone act upon it. It has felt as though I have spent my entire life searching for an answer to some unknown question, and all along it was right in front of me; I didn't allow myself to see the answer. Once I was able to forgive my mother for all her verbal abuse, my life started to come into focus. I changed my name, I returned to college, I began a new career all to which were leading me to the discovery of my true self. I had a roommate in my early 20s. We were friends, well, sort of. We did almost everything together - shopping, movies, cooking, parties; people assumed we were a couple to which we both vehemently denied. We did, however, joke about being gay all the time; we never acted upon the feelings we had for each other though. When she got married, I thought I was going to die. This of course made no sense to me – how illogical – “a broken heart” over a girlfriend? Six years later she left her husband; she “came out” during their marriage. Three years after that, she called me; I refused to see her. I had had yet another boyfriend which, of course, didn’t last, but I was still angry with her for “leaving me.” Nine years more passed and I decide to call her. I felt convinced in my own mind that I was straight, and to what harm would it do to see her again. Wow…life hasn’t been the same since that meeting. We met for dinner and started talking, but my poor heart just burst open and I started to cry – I loved her. I really did. She has a partner now, and I am so happy for her. I hate to say it, but when I went home, I got drunk - information overload. Oh my gosh, is this reality mine? I looked up the definition for the word “gay” and unmistakable was unable to deny my truth anymore: emotionally, and/or physically, and/or sexually attracted to women. Once this resonated into my being I looked back upon my entire life – all the way back to the little girl I kissed in elementary school and felt relief as the answer to my life’s question had been answered, in fact, my entire life made sense for the first time in my life. I wish I could say that feeling has stayed with me these last two months, but it has not. Hatred, shame, anger, joy, fear, hope and possibly any other adjective you can think of have all crossed my mind. I have cried too. All I can say is I am so glad to have a therapist helping me through this portion of my life’s journey. A few friends, who knew all along, but never asked me or expressed a negative tone when the subject came up, have been walking with me through this life altering experience as well. If you are reading this, absolutely know that you are not alone and there ARE other people out there that love you and care about you who want to walk with you during this experience. Life is looking better every day. For the first time, in a really, really long time, I feel like a woman and want to dress up and get into better physical shape! I have hope that I can find someone to share my life with now - I no longer need to be alone. I know that my relationship with my Lord is secure – He loves me. Now all I need to do is accept myself and treat myself with the respect and love that I am so deserving of. The prison to which I have been in since I was a child has open doors - all I need to do is walk out and into my life in the most honest way I possibly can now that I know my own truth. For the first time I can say, “I believe I will experience joy in my life now that I have been set free.”

I am a 33 year old gal and i am gay. I was born, and still live, in the Netherlands. When I was 12 years old I fell in love with a classmate, for the first time. Her father sent me away once when I wanted to walk to school with her because he saw that I "liked" her a lot. He said he knew because of how I looked at her. I remember that i was thinking that she had a great smile and she is cute. I was not aware that i was falling for her. He stood behind her and saw me looking at her face while she was talking. He immediately said that that "you have a crush on her don't you?" Her father said that he did not want us to be friends. He sent me away and I was mad and felt rejected. I did not want to know that i was in love with her and was afraid of those feelings so i did not think about that anymore.

As I got older I never wanted to date boys. When i turned 19 I had 1 boyfriend (he was my best friend). Three years later we decided to get married. 6 months before our marriage i told him that i did not want to go through with it. It did not feel right. He was totally broken up about it. He is now happy and married.

I always thought maybe I was into girls but never thought about it until I was 27 and I fell in love with a woman. She entered the classroom and my heart was pounding like crazy, i did not know what to say and my blood was rushing through my body. Again afraid of my feelings I asked myself what it was and that I must act normal. Can you believe it? She constantly asked me what was going on and i said nothing. After the summer vacation I wanted to tell her what my feelings were. I walked towards her office (I was terribly nervous) and saw that the door was closed with a sign on it "do not disturb". Then i looked up and saw a school newspaper on a table and picked it up and began to read it. Suddenly I saw her death notice. I was totally freaking out inside. She had died. I turned around and went straight home. I never spoke about it again and went on with my life.

I was working in a large company and was not happy with the work I was doing since I left school. To keep it short, I was unhappy with both work and my personal life and I did not know why. Why wasn't I able to find a guy to fall in love with and what was wrong with the job I have and the jobs I had?

Time went by with a lot of thinking and feelings and I finally admitted to myself that I was gay (the feelings were stronger than my brain that was telling me that it is not acceptable to have those feelings) and told myself that I had a problem because my faith (I am a Muslim) did not accept gays I thought. I knew my family would never accept my sexuality. Neither would my co-workers. if you could hear what they say about gays, there was no way i was going to tell them!

My manager saw that I was struggling. He is a good, smart man and an inspiring person. He came to me and asked me if something was wrong and that he was worried about me. I was literally breaking down. I could not do this anymore i told him and that I was unhappy at work and I had personal problems (later i came out to him). He said that he wanted to keep me for the company and suggested an IQ and psychology test. I did that and i scored within 2% of the highest scores. Well, he (my manager) said you can get a Mensa membership. I laughed. He said “well that explains why people can't follow you sometimes”. So my life was pretty much a mess at that time. What do I do about career and how about my homosexuality? I always felt different but did not know why and I have blocked my feelings. So I went to a psychologist...a very good one. She lived through a tough life and knew what I was going through and she was able to challenge me. She helped me to be aware of my talent and especially my feelings that I locked up inside of me because i was afraid of my (gay) feelings. It was really hard for me because I was never really me. It was like I was born again and I was learning about the world all over again.

Finally I told people who I am. I told them “I am a Muslim and I am gay”. The hardest part was telling my mother. She first was really upset and told me that it was a sin and told me that I was sick. After the argument we never spoke about it. That was hard for me. Until a few weeks ago I could not handle it and I asked her what she was thinking. After a long emotional conversation she now accepts me for who I am and told me she will never leave me because of me being gay. She told me that it is hard for her to understand. I told my sister and brother. They do not always understand but they accept me. I told my friends and there are friends that accept me and some friends I never saw again since that moment. At my work I’ve told a few people. I don't know what the consequences of my coming out will have because i know that there are some people (colleagues) that don't "like" gays but I can't hide anymore. I'd rather be happy and be real then keep hiding with the consequence that it will destroy me.

So that was my story. I don't know where the lesbians are where i live but i will figure it out :)

I am 21yrs old. I've grown up in the bible belt of East TN my whole life and always been a person of faith. I went through countless difficulties growing up because I always felt like something was wrong, or missing. I searched and searched and I prayed God would help me and unfortunately I turned to the wrong places in my search for contentment. I turned to anything I thought might fill this strange void I had inside of me. Going through many bad, unhealthy relationships with men and being used and abused by men sexually, it never occurred to me the reason why I couldn’t find any happiness fully with men was the fact I was attracted to women. My entire life, even as a young child, I have been much closer to women. My intimate friendships, mentors, and heroes were all women. In my town you do not even think about being sexually attracted to your own sex! It's very taboo. Maybe that’s why I never went there in my mind? At least, not for more than a brief fleeting moment here and there.

Battling with being unhappy and not understanding why and facing bad decisions I had made searching for love in sex with men and feeling worthless because I felt that even God didn’t love me, I decided I just wasn’t going to find that "thing" you find when you get what healthy relationship is truly about. I never spoke a word to anyone about how I felt towards women. It wasn’t until I moved away to Indiana for college that I felt I was free to think more about those feelings.

I met a girl whom I felt so unbelievably drawn to that I didn’t know what to make of myself. We built a friendship that turned into a more intimate relationship. Everything I had been searching and praying for finally made a little bit more sense! Looking back at it I always knew I was gay, but it wasn’t until that moment that I let myself realize it. I knew I couldn’t let anyone know this about me so I bottled it up and grew depressed and angry. I told a counselor and a pastor and I was told to pray this away that it isn’t okay to act on these feelings and that with God I could get rid of this. I felt like once again there was just something wrong with me. I was horrified because I couldn’t shake those feelings. I wrestled with God and myself each night. I was sick all the time. People started to talk about me more and more, calling me gay and saying I was losing my mind. I lost lots of friends and yet somehow found new friends that understood what I was going through. My school was a Christian University... take that back, a CONSERVATIVE university. I was told to be quiet and not ever "come out" or let anyone know because it wasn’t good for the campus to have that there. I felt disgusting.

I was no longer seeing the girl I had fallen so deeply in love with. She felt being gay was not a choice she was ready for and she chose not to act on her feelings anymore. It was not that easy for me, as I’m sure it wasn’t really easy for her either. None the less, I felt completely alone. My depression grew deeper and deeper, thinking how I had let my family down and my God. One night I couldn’t take it and I was going to end my life, I felt like God spoke to me that night and somehow some way I put down the pills and walked to a counselor who admitted me into a facility. I only spent 24 hours there and in that short time i screamed and cried out to God and asked Him to just take control over it because I had no energy left. To my surprise my feelings did not go away, I felt like God put people into my life immediately that could help me. I found friends who loved me and supported me in the way i felt. I grew so strong and found who I truly was. I am a Christian and I am also gay. I found that God loved me for me and affirms me.

I told my parents a while after this and at first it was terrible. My family felt like they had failed me and the result was I "turned gay". I can say from experience IT DOES GET BETTER! My entire family does not know, nor my community, but I could care less. My parents and my sister have come to understand my lifestyle and they love and support me more than ever. We have grown closer, although they may not agree they love and support me and that’s what counts.

I am now in a committed and love relationship that is healthy and so wonderful. Each day I am reminded of what I was searching for all along. I was never going to feel content until I found who I truly was. I am a strong, compassionate, emotional, loving, woman. I am also, gay. I want to be a voice of love, not hate. I pray my story can reach someone and I would love to share and help others who may feel like i have felt for so long.

I am so glad there is a community of people LIKE ME. Growing up, I was sure I was the only one who felt the way I did.

I come from a small, conservative town in a rural state, the child of conservative Christian parents; my father is a minister in a small close-knit church and my mother was a teacher in the local school district. When you're a kid you are told that if you have a secret, something you just can't tell your parents or family, you should go to your clergy or a teacher but no one ever says what you can do if your parents ARE your clergy and teacher! I was stuck. Boy, was I stuck! To this day I cannot tell my parents (I'm in my 30's, btw) that I am bisexual.

When I was a kid I got picked on, teased, and harassed. Not just because of the perception that my sexuality was different, but also because I had medical and physical challenges which made me different. I was depressed, suicidal and lonely. I didn't know any other kids who were gay. I didn't even know what bisexual was, either, because it just wasn't talked about. It wasn't until I was in college that I even heard that word. Kids who were perceived as being gay or lesbian were treated cruelly in school, even by some of the teachers.

When I was younger, just beginning to understand that I was attracted differently, before I came to understand that it's ok, I used to pray that God would take it away: "God, please don't let me be gay, I just can't be gay, I'm a Christian..." or words to that effect. I guess God had other ideas, though, because sometimes I think that a voice said to me "OK, you won't be gay, but how about we meet halfway?" Maybe that's not PC of me, but the God I believe in has a sense of humor.

Once I got to college and started meeting people of all different backgrounds, races, sexualities, and so forth I began to understand that God (or whatever you believe in) made me and loves me just the way I am. Once I (finally, in my mid-twenties) came out to a few close friends I became more comfortable in my own skin than I had ever been. Everything I have experienced in my life, good and bad, has brought me to this point and to this place. I am meant to be who and what I am, take it or leave it.

If you've read this whole story and are still here, thanks.

I did not get the chance to chose when I came out to my family. I met my girlfriend, the love of my life, during my 11th grade year. I came home for visit one time and was sat down in my room and asked outright if I was gay. I didn't know what to say. I knew I was and I was it at school, but this was my family and I knew they would not accept it. Southern Baptist do not accept homosexuality. I did not have to answer, nor could I. the tears began to roll and all I could say was, "please don't hate me." needless to say they weren't happy and after the semester they pulled my out of this wonderful school and put me back in my home school for my senior year.

My love and I were separated by two hours and were both in school and didn't have the means to dive to see each other. I wasn't allowed to talk to her on the phone and she wasn't allowed to visit me. After several months I left home and moved in with my father, who trying to get on my good side invited my girlfriend to come live with us. My dad accepted me and that made a big difference.

Over the last few years my family has accepted us and we have holidays together and they think of us as a normal couple. Things still aren't perfect, we all still have our problems, but things are getting better.